tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post7576586956169197099..comments2023-12-11T20:18:37.225-06:00Comments on Shattering the Silence: Irrational ComparisonRoger Mannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-78929060487947336152015-05-06T13:12:11.695-05:002015-05-06T13:12:11.695-05:00Hi, John B here. I have exactly the same "pro...Hi, John B here. I have exactly the same "problem". I just wrote the following email to Cec: <br /><br />I can't remember ever feeling adequate, masculine, capable sexually, or attractive.<br /><br />I did a lot of journaling the other day. I was at a resort in Las Vegas for work, and was trying to be aware of how my body felt and of the thoughts that were going thru my mind (suggested by my therapist). I realized something.<br /><br />I compare myself to everyone. At least that was my initial thought. Every time I saw a male, I would immediately think "this man is better than me in the following ways...." Every time I saw a female I would think "this woman is better than me and would not be attracted to me for the following reasons...."<br /><br />I was painting a rather dreary picture for myself, which happened to reinforce my opinion of myself generated so long ago: I'm not adequate, masculine, capable sexually, or attractive.<br /><br />I then had a really interesting realization. I only make this comparison when I KNOW I'll lose. If I see a male who I believe I would compare favorably to, in the completely bogus categories that my head thinks is a priority, I do not run this comparison. It never crosses my mind. Likewise, if I see a female who I am not initially interested in (based on physical appearance), I do not run this comparison.<br /><br />Not only does my subconscious set me up to fail, it also makes sure that I never receive any evidence whatsoever that I could succeed! My self esteem and general world view is arranged entirely around a comparative process. <br /><br />How can I ever be comfortable with ME when all I do is compare myself to others??<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com