tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post8050099756765111712..comments2023-12-11T20:18:37.225-06:00Comments on Shattering the Silence: Shadow BoxingRoger Mannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-77349039123787776302012-09-25T04:55:11.840-05:002012-09-25T04:55:11.840-05:00My event, happening as it did during my “formative...My event, happening as it did during my “formative years,” had an almost universal impact on all aspects of my developing identity. One could even say that it was an intentional deforming, or malforming influence on me. My interaction with others is shaped and influenced, sometimes utterly determined, by the deforming influence of my being abused. This is no more "irrational" than suffering massive hip damage and then walking with a limp for the rest of your life. So, I don’t live my life as though I were still ten years old. But I do live, and worship, and work and love…and hate, and hurt, and mourn… as someone irretrievably altered when he was ten. I guess the big difference for me is that wounds heal, and deformations don’t. I guess I regard most talk of healing in this as being smoke and mirrors. I've never heard anyone being able to define actual healing in other than the most vague, non-falsifiable terms. I remember seeing a beggar in the carribean. Both of his feet were suspiciously club-footed. I know that can "just happen," but I also know that some parents will break their child’s legs so they can beg and increase the family income. His knees were bare, and he had developed large pads of calloused skin on them, because he “walked” on them; they were his feet, with his atrophied calves and broken, useless, real feet trailing behind. His “gait” was a rocking, swinging thing because I imagine that after 30+ years walking on his knees, his hips had degenerated. With a wealthy benefactor he could have had reconstructive surgery. This might, with sufficient physical therapy, have enabled him to stand with crutches, or maybe even attempt some shambling approximation of a semi-upright walk. But it wouldn’t be healing, no matter how many promises were made. And I would bet that when he was home, with no one else around, he would walk on his knees.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com