tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.comments2023-12-11T20:18:37.225-06:00Shattering the SilenceRoger Mannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comBlogger1328125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-9729113592768245662023-12-11T11:29:00.292-06:002023-12-11T11:29:00.292-06:00My life played out very similar once the abuse sta...My life played out very similar once the abuse started with a family member. Other males would give me attention (that I craved) and then the touching would begin. As an adult, I still feel deep guilt about enjoying the attention and physical touching that was so wrong. I’m reading the book “Not Quite Healed” and am finding it very helpful. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-27900239858987154462023-12-11T11:25:05.908-06:002023-12-11T11:25:05.908-06:00Hey guys. My life played out very similar in that...Hey guys. My life played out very similar in that after the first abuse by a family member then many other boys and men would approach me and begin to pay attention to me. I usually would in to the touch. I still as a 58 year old man feel deep guilt about enjoying something so wrong. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-64161696851327206282023-12-11T10:26:07.594-06:002023-12-11T10:26:07.594-06:00Thank you for sharing this letter to your younger ...Thank you for sharing this letter to your younger self. I hope it has healing effects for you. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-41514810814078400952022-04-11T06:58:25.747-05:002022-04-11T06:58:25.747-05:00If I still lived in Hermiston, near you, I would b...If I still lived in Hermiston, near you, I would be your friend. I would not judge you , I would see you as you are, a child of God, which is your identity and it is all encompassing.Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12365798863276064785noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-37888300618559972862022-03-09T02:09:44.229-06:002022-03-09T02:09:44.229-06:00Thanks for sharing. Your perspective helps me. I ...Thanks for sharing. Your perspective helps me. I too remember some. And not other. Take care. DavidDavidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01216192245635376797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-57688223633122352762022-03-09T02:06:13.420-06:002022-03-09T02:06:13.420-06:00Lee, this is exactly as I experienced it. Snippet...Lee, this is exactly as I experienced it. Snippets, fragments returned. and I always knew it. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing.<br />DavidDavidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01216192245635376797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-1089722268113269102021-11-11T13:51:55.334-06:002021-11-11T13:51:55.334-06:00I love the story and I'm proud of you for all ...I love the story and I'm proud of you for all the work it takes to just get through...<br /><br />You are becoming a force to be reckoned with!DJHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03740115427344991987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-91539406512189809302021-08-31T00:06:02.959-05:002021-08-31T00:06:02.959-05:00Failure and disappointment still hurts but it'...Failure and disappointment still hurts but it's not the end of the world feeling now. That's a wonderful freeing feeling. Thanks for the comment.Roger Mannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-46802211546253716712021-08-30T16:43:49.799-05:002021-08-30T16:43:49.799-05:00That's fantastic!
Growing up, everything had ...That's fantastic!<br /><br />Growing up, everything had to be perfect. I learned that if I couldn't do something perfectly, I better not try, because I simply did not want to live through the inevitable criticism.<br /><br />Now, I know it's ok to "take a swing", even though, it's not going to be perfect. Good job "taking a swing" at your testimony! That's awesome!Zale Dowlenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12505112246498936924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-35869168993105126212021-03-18T11:36:36.172-05:002021-03-18T11:36:36.172-05:00Roger __ THANKS for this! I needed it Because, he...Roger __ THANKS for this! I needed it Because, here in PA we're still under horrifying restrictions re: masks & distancing. (You're welcome to hear a resounding, nearly-bitter complaint in that statement. The Lord knows my heart.) But you've resolved something for me... and I can readily resonate with your admission: "...to feel human touch was almost intoxicating I was so needy." I'm thinking that's why I especially resist the masks so much; they only ADD to the distance I feel from other human connections. The limited few friends who happen to agree with me are also not as free with hugging, mainly due to the oppressive social climate. And Zoom just ain't cutting it for me. <br />In MY case, I'm also isolated because of perm disability due to a decade with Parkinson's Disease. I had joked early on, "Welcome to my world! I've been quarantining for YEARS!" Yet after only a short while, it wasn't as much of a joke. Bur God understands, and sends friendly reminders like yours that I'm truly not alone in my yearnings for what's been lost. So thank you, again.<br /><br />Waiting to hear the Shout --<br />Jeff Hjhoenshellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13977065464900934155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-912205990056565782021-03-09T22:26:08.822-06:002021-03-09T22:26:08.822-06:00Thanks, Zale, and Mark, you make an excellent poin...Thanks, Zale, and Mark, you make an excellent point. I'd not thought about how the non-trauma people would react/ respond in this situation. That would explain a lot of what I'm seeing. Thanks for bringing that up.<br />Roger Mannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-46666331908826290162021-03-09T13:04:50.102-06:002021-03-09T13:04:50.102-06:00Excellent words, Roger.
In addition to what you s...Excellent words, Roger. <br />In addition to what you shared, I also believe that in a strange way, those who have experienced past trauma are better able to recognize the current trauma we've been living through the past 12 months.<br />Example - you know the past pain and damage of wanting to belong, wanting to fit in, wanting to not be alone, while living the trauma of abuse. Now, you easily see the danger of our current isolation leading to increased addictive behaviors, distrust between strangers when in public, children's education scores plummeting, to name a few. You already know that the lack of touch hurts our minds and emotions and sense of well-being.<br />At my church, there is ONE gentleman who will still shake hands. I have started seeking him out, although I do not know him well, just to get that physical touch of a handshake. Fortunately, I have two buddies who have not stopped giving me hugs this past year. Nor have they isolated themselves from me. That has been crucial to my well-being.<br />To come back to my main point, we have been through trauma in our childhood. We recognize that we are going again through trauma that has similar impact. And, as adults, we see we can make choices to help counteract that trauma. As children, we could not do that.<br />People who have not experienced the pain of past trauma may not recognize today's trauma, and therfore not be as equipped to deal with this trauma we are all sharing.Markhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377229341309366053noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-57240526379604246462021-03-09T09:15:54.127-06:002021-03-09T09:15:54.127-06:00Good job!Good job!Zale Dowlenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12505112246498936924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-52319347067571602572021-01-11T01:28:01.248-06:002021-01-11T01:28:01.248-06:00What a beautiful insight.
Painful, but it shows su...What a beautiful insight.<br />Painful, but it shows such growth!<br />Children are resilient, up to a point, and can bounce back from a lot. But abuse is an overwhelming trauma.<br />I love that you give yourself space to have an honest assessment. I will pray your daughter can recognize that you are still growing and healing from your own childhood trauma and from imperfect parenting.<br />I am still trying to be a better dad. Maybe not much hope or opportunity with my oldest kids, but like you I an still trying to show that I can grow, and they can learn from that example. <br />You MUST accept that you have been own an incredible journey. A journey is not measured by the start or even the path, but usually by the distance traveled or the destination. You have come so far (check) AND grown in such depth (check). I hope your daughter will one-day recognize the beautiful man you have become!Doug Beehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02844396383166801850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-33570088266473274422020-11-21T22:35:05.430-06:002020-11-21T22:35:05.430-06:00Yes, indeed. Odd that it seemed so normal to me.Yes, indeed. Odd that it seemed so normal to me.Roger Mannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-15349476015508848732020-11-21T07:59:28.959-06:002020-11-21T07:59:28.959-06:00"Home held a deep undercurrent of uncertainty..."Home held a deep undercurrent of uncertainty..." and fear.Zale Dowlenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12505112246498936924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-88048013762883602352020-11-19T14:00:57.876-06:002020-11-19T14:00:57.876-06:00" Be prepared that you all may be put in the ..." Be prepared that you all may be put in the situation where someone needs to talk."<br /><br />Indeed, and the indications may be subtle. I suspect the ratio of 1 in 6 that is so often quoted is low due to men and boys being so reluctant to admit to such experiences. The effects are pretty obvious when you know what to look for. I've engaged others I suspected by opening up even in vague ways about my experiences and found some eager to tell their stories. Others may take some time to feel comfortable but there are a lot of us out there. <br /><br />On a side note, I watched Deadpool in a theater not knowing what the movie was about. While many others were laughing and certain revelations by the hero about being abused I found it uncomfortable and I spotted others in the audience that were not amused either. Made me wonder just how alone I was with the feelings. Very disappointed in Ryan Renolds for that.<br /><br />Just my thoughtsRoger Mannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-69564298927575177542020-11-17T05:02:05.484-06:002020-11-17T05:02:05.484-06:00It's hard to recognize the protective coping m...It's hard to recognize the protective coping mechanism that I have had since then. The trust issues that can come up, and the reality that I don't always open up and trust my brothers in Christ bc of the sexual abuse. Vulnerability can be awesome, yet oh so scary when you get down to the nitty gritty. I struggle with that. Can I share, and be heard or will someone change the subject bc they have no idea what to say or it's too uncomfortable. Be prepared that you all may be put in the situation where someone needs to talk.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05590839306900526002noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-58869203662372808622020-11-07T07:38:01.189-06:002020-11-07T07:38:01.189-06:00Roger __
I'm not on here daily, but I covet yo...Roger __<br />I'm not on here daily, but I covet your musings on your journey! Thank you for allowing us a platform to reflect. It helps to SEE through writing what the Lord both allowed me to endure & how He has been orchestrating my "rescue"! I can't thank Him enough!<br /><br />Jeffjhoenshellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13977065464900934155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-66363868315027713532020-11-03T10:07:32.713-06:002020-11-03T10:07:32.713-06:00"Oh, to be satisfied with Christ alone!"..."Oh, to be satisfied with Christ alone!"<br /><br />That has been a longing in my heart for a long, long time. Thanks for sharing your life and heart with me.Roger Mannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-60996965159946934372020-10-29T18:03:30.010-05:002020-10-29T18:03:30.010-05:00I'm like you. I don't know when it happen...I'm like you. I don't know when it happened in my childhood (other than that my "nightmare of sexual abuse" had started around age 5, I think. And continued through my 1st year of college!), but I began to recognize early in my adult years how high my expectation of others had grown, and the inevitable "crash" I'd experience when someone had truly let me down personally. <br /><br />As a youngster (age 7 or 8?) I can remember feeling so unloved that I would accuse others of literally not loving me -- or at least actually resist attention, at a time when I craved it most. My dad was out of the picture when I reached age 10, but it took years to understand how grievous was that loss. At any rate, confusion reigned supreme in my heart & mind about whom to trust for DECADES! <br /><br />The Lord has certainly performed miraculous transformation in my life, some of which has transpired within the last 15 yrs, as Ive really finally dealt with my past history. But I'll admit that I still have moments of disappointment when my latest "hero" reveals he/she has flaws just like mine! Maintaining a purely Biblical perspective in this area is one of my personal goals. Oh, to be satisfied with Christ alone!<br /><br />Jeffjhoenshellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13977065464900934155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-68568151200269368422020-10-19T20:29:39.499-05:002020-10-19T20:29:39.499-05:00Since my father was a pastor and evangelist, looki...Since my father was a pastor and evangelist, looking like the Cleavers was definitely "encouraged".<br />Roger Mannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-80141607396147934162020-10-19T10:46:08.447-05:002020-10-19T10:46:08.447-05:00Good job! "A fish doesn't know it's w...Good job! "A fish doesn't know it's wet." I am still "unpacking" how incredibly unsafe and unsupporting my family was. I believe that "looking like the Cleavers", was the only concern. Zale Dowlenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12505112246498936924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-81381689169353337702020-09-28T13:23:43.508-05:002020-09-28T13:23:43.508-05:00I resonate with that. I share much of the same ex...I resonate with that. I share much of the same experiences. Zale Dowlenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12505112246498936924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-31861583158722018542020-09-04T10:15:00.069-05:002020-09-04T10:15:00.069-05:00Thanks for the comments. I hesitated to post on th...Thanks for the comments. I hesitated to post on this subject but as I look back, I can see that I've struggled with identifying such behaviours and mindsets myself. So, knowing I was not alone from the many others I've spoken with I decided to be a little more transparent here. Thanks for the encouragement and validation.Roger Mannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.com