tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post4954889411743175546..comments2023-12-11T20:18:37.225-06:00Comments on Shattering the Silence: Me? A Controller?Roger Mannhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-59449216991368200142017-08-01T11:04:53.686-05:002017-08-01T11:04:53.686-05:00Haha Zale! Your comment brought a needed smile.Haha Zale! Your comment brought a needed smile.Markhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377229341309366053noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-456435803314162802017-08-01T11:02:30.575-05:002017-08-01T11:02:30.575-05:00I'm not a controller! And don't be using ...I'm not a controller! And don't be using the fact that I have a law degree to try to prove otherwise! My reasons for being driven/called to law lie elsewhere, are entirely selfless and altruistic and have nothing to do with a need to control! :)Zale Dowlenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12505112246498936924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-65133625044239115982016-10-25T17:40:03.595-05:002016-10-25T17:40:03.595-05:00I am a terrible controller. I am desperately tryin...I am a terrible controller. I am desperately trying to change that but I must know six ways to sunday on how to get my way or ruin it for others if I don't. God help me.Roger Mannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591791342062150604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-62930466566500977542016-10-11T11:07:39.588-05:002016-10-11T11:07:39.588-05:00Hi Cec, Thanks for acknowledging my post, it is al...Hi Cec, Thanks for acknowledging my post, it is always a feel-safe day when we have such a outlet to talk over our - not quite healed yet - journey. Moving on....Bless J(Anthony)<br />Jesushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01513403428995127956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-2506362692993722252016-10-09T15:31:56.992-05:002016-10-09T15:31:56.992-05:00Thanks, Mark, for your comment. And Jesus, thank y...Thanks, Mark, for your comment. And Jesus, thank you for opening yourself to us. I'm sure many men feel many of the things you've felt. Keep going forward--it's worth it.<br /><br />CecCecil Murpheyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17830353236951258142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-71489555642849904442016-10-05T06:10:22.946-05:002016-10-05T06:10:22.946-05:00Hi Cecil, Is 1000 times yes. As I reach more matur...Hi Cecil, Is 1000 times yes. As I reach more mature senior years I start to think what damage or fear that I have emotional abused my wife. I did ask her recently and she told me do not worry, you haven't. But feel she does not want to talk about it. All the years in my survival of abuse and marriage, have wanted to take control and win my argument, creating uneasy feelings inside, e.g. angry. I know this came from my lack of security in my infant days with my family situation as my mother was mentally ill and an older brother who had to take care of the family while my father was serving in the Army. I think goes back 3-5 years old and my older brother had to grow up quick (18 months older) and I suffered a lot of bullying. After the WW2 there was a lot of control around, fathers returning damaged from the war and children only spoke when asked, etc. With my feelings of lonesomeness e.g. no parent input, brotherly love and the sexual abuse I carried, plus the emotional abuse from mother and brother, I think then I arrested. As I was needy and the first human touch was from a lodger that we had to sleep with and argued with my older brother turn it was to sleep with the abuser. I held onto that feeling or misplaced pleasure. I know as a Christian that God gave us the ability to feel whatever the circumstances but not knowing the consequences as an infant of the abuse would have on me. I still have those have misplaced dreams in the night, especially as my own relationship as been struggling. I find it hard to explain them here but it is as though one changes place - I am the woman and the person beside me is the woman. I have tried to tell this to my wife but cannot find the words and therefore am going to buy your book Cecil - How partners can help husbands of abuse, etc. I think most of my awareness, has come from searching my own "self" and realise that I had to find out why, where, when, how etc to cope otherwise I would have created havoc in my family that not only affect my wife but my two children also. I do not even today can say that I am no longer a - "slumdog", i.e. came from not an eminent background but as my father was damaged from the war and drank a lot - I do not drink and have a Father in Heaven. I pray The Lord, made a room for my parents, I think they did their best under their difficult circumstances. Jesushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01513403428995127956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1362373399405910593.post-3088590583317343602016-10-04T14:44:55.557-05:002016-10-04T14:44:55.557-05:00Yes! A 100 times, Yes!Yes! A 100 times, Yes!Markhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377229341309366053noreply@blogger.com