Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Merry Christmas to all. May this time bring you too comfort and joy in remembering the reason for the celebration. Even though he was actually born in March. Working in retail as I do part-time I see a lot of happy and some not so happy people. While I do understand both reactions and emotions, I try to maintain and happy exterior facade and try to bring a smile through my admittedly defensive humor and most of the time it has worked. Which also helps my spirits too.

At home, it's more difficult but for the sake of family and friends, I do try to keep good spirits and not just the bottled kind. Alcohol I've found only makes things worse. My real temptation is to overeat and sleep too much. I'm actually getting better at that too in spite of all to goodies people give us.

I think, especially at this time of the year it's important to take some time for myself. I've been finding time late in the evening and early morning when it's quiet for a short time to make the most of it and just meditate on the good things in my life. Gratitude increases my attitude.

Just my thoughts.

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Even though personal connections are difficult for me, I've found that if I push myself to make the move oft times I've been rewarded with a friendship that develops over time. It's not easy and I'm uncomfortable with it. Also, there is the followup that I'm not good at.

I make and connection, then get busy with life and forget to keep in touch. I'm working on that and this next year starting now actually, I'm putting on my calendar to set an appointed time to make that call. Isolation has always seemed my friend but I'm starting to understand I need the outside stimuli to keep grounded and get out of my head.

A work in progress.


Thursday, December 5, 2019


Holidays can be painful for the average person, even more so for those of us who’ve been assaulted. Sexual assault can cripple a victim’s ability to form good healthy connections, and especially with family members for several reasons. When incest has been the problem these issues can become impossible to navigate.

This time of the year has always been difficult for me. My father was my abuser from childhood but as a child, I knew no different and therefore accepted what was as normal. It was only after I entered high school that it really hit me what was going on between me and my father was not good.

Holidays became especially painful. All of the fake love and kisses, happy poses for pictures, and pretending we were just another big happy family. Only with me the odd one. I was by then pretty closed off and distant. It was becoming harder to fake the smiles, hugs, and laughter. I was feeling pretty empty emotionally.

I don’t know if those of us who had good families and were just assaulted by strangers or maybe family friends feel the same about holidays. I would imagine it’s still difficult on many levels but I’d love to hear from some of you about how you handle these happy family holiday times. I know people who are single and hate them but were never molested at all. They’re just lonely. But I know of married friends who find it all difficult too and there’s no victimhood lurking in their background. Maybe it just the way the world is going that stresses everyone out anyway.

Anyway, I was just curious.