Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Roger's Response

Over the years, Roger Mann has been a generous contributor to this blog, and I’ve been impressed with his insights and honesty. I’ve asked him to write occasional posts to help out. His response to my request impressed me, and I asked his permission to share it with you. I look forward to his posts in the future. (Cec)

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Years ago, I'd only been working on my recovery for five years or so, and all I wanted was to get fixed and get on with my life. Once I was "normal" I never wanted to hear about this stuff ever again or anyone else who had experienced it. It was ugly, dirty, shameful, and socially unacceptable.

I laugh now, because once I began to accept what happened to me and deal with it I became aware and in contact with others who shared so much of what I felt and was going through. It tugged at my heart, and I found myself responding, replying, and supporting them in their struggle too. I was not alone. It was not my fault. I needed to share those truths with others who also were hurting. I couldn't leave them.

The site I most frequent now I have two threads that I post on for my personal stuff—the single men's forum and the married men's forum. I have noticed I have six times the views of the next most popular thread. God has blessed me with insight and the compassion to articulate it. I guess I know why. Someone needs to say perhaps the things that I say and to share the hurt and victories that I experience.

And so I stay. Even though my wife thinks it's too much, I know I am needed there on those forums as His voice. Deep down I still wish I could walk away but I know I can't. I'm not done yet. God's not done with me yet.

That said, we both feel I should accept your offer and do what I can to help others along this journey, if only by pointing out what not to do. Let me know where to go from here and I will do my best to send you what I can.


Unknown said...

Thank you Roger for sharing & being honest it has been a help to me personally - I really appreciate you!

Anonymous said...

Boundaries, when/where/who do I share, when/where/who do I not, when it's shared, it's shared, can't be undone. Anxiety/fear about what people are going to think when they know the real me. Who am I? Is life real, or is it a movie I'm watching from a safe distance. The movie is half over and I don't even know me.

Anonymous said...

When my personal boundaries were destroyed as a child, then where are the boundaries now. Are the any?

Anonymous said...

thank you, Roger! i have personally learned and benefited from your posts on other sites. even though we have never met, i consider you a brother, friend and mentor.


Roger Mann said...

Wow, The subject of boundaries is a good one. As a child I was taught only certain boundaries applied and my body was not one of them. Telling anyone was a big no no, not that I would have anyway; my religious upbringing forbid dishonoring parents.

My own personal boundaries were loose and situation specific. This led to some very poor choices which I didn't understand at the time and later wished I could do over. It took a long time through recovery for me to really 'GET' that it was not my fault and not my shame. It was only then that I was able to talk about what happened and not worry so much about what others thought. There is much going on in this world that most people have no concept of but children are specifically being targeted for evil purposes and it brakes your heart to hear of another child abducted and/or abused. It has lifetime effects and a lot of work to undo.

The good news is that there is life after abuse. Healing is possible and freedom from fear, anxiety and shame can be found in community of trust.

just my thoughts

Unknown said...

You men are doing such a wonderful job of responding, I want to commend you. You say it well and your kindness shows through.