Monday, May 14, 2018
Since I started this blog in 2010, I’ve never deleted or restricted points of view. That has changed with the ongoing comments about masturbation.
IMO, the comments have gone beyond helping and encouraging men in their struggles for healing, inner-peace, and self-esteem.
This is a blog aimed at healing for hurting men.
I apologize, you are right.
I need to explain myself. I did not mean for my comments to cause harm. I was so encouraged by this topic because it has been such a battle for me. My boundaries are blurred. Sometimes I share nothing with anyone, and then I share too much. I battle with boundaries and sharing. Please accept my sincere and deepest apology. I will watch my words in the future. Thank you again for your ministry. May God bless you.
Thank you. If I had felt you willfully and flagrantly wrote what you did, I would simply have cut you off. We want you to be healed and we want you to be open. Boundaries are also important. And one of the things we survivors need to realize is how to set those boundaries.
Be kind to yourself. You've apologized. It's over. Please stay with us.
Thank you for your forgiveness.
One thing to ponder that really helped me understand myself and my desire for such activity came from a book by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. I realize that many people in the gay community - especially - hate Dr, N, because he is one of the Exodus-affiliated people now looked down upon by many, but back in those days I needed to read these words, they rang true for me [paraphrased]:
"The reason the gay man struggles so much with masturbation is that it is a desire to connect with the masculine, the male."
Wow, sir. You hit the nail on the head for me. It made sense to me in the moment, and still does, now, nearly 20 years later. Some of the stuff he wrote was not true for me, i.e., hating my father, et cetera, yet a couple of things he and the others said about the issues some gay men have were - and still are - for me, to some extent at least, "right-on." Again, I realize many give no creedence to Dr. N and his associated psychologists, and call it "junk science," yet I "take what I need and leave the rest," just like I learned in the 12-step meetings I attended for my sexual addiction issues. I was VERY fortunate in that path, as I was - and am - loved openly by many men, hugged tightly, and accepted as I am, same gender attractions and all. And, most importanly, I know I am blessed, as I have found many men, gay bi and straight, who have shared their stories with me in the meetings and in private, that showed me - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that I am not alone in this, and that their sexual addictions [to women] and mine and many other gay men's sexual addictions [to other men] are - TRULY - "two sides of the same coin."
The words on this blog are encouraging, as are Cec's books [and Gary Roe's words in "Not Quite Healed," and Roger Mann's words here on the blog. Struggling or accepting myself the way I am does not matter. God loves me the way I am. I shared with a dear sister in Christ a few weeks ago about my first days in recovery. I took Neil Anderson's list of affirmations called "Who I Am in Christ," and wrote them down on index cards, and read them every morning, for well over a year, until I really believed it. It's taken a lot. I'm 21 years sober from my bottom-line behaviors, and feel God's embrace, as a beloved son by my Heavenly Father, daily, and can do nothing short of believing God's embrace of me, SSA or not. He has been with me, and - just like the sacred hymn of old, "In the Garden," know that "He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own....." Yeah, my eyes still wander, and I am embracing myself now as I am more than ever before, yet I also know I am not the same man I was 21+ years ago, and I no longer "act out" as I did in years past. For those of us who claim Christ in our lives has to "work out [his/her] salvation with fear and trembling," as the Bible encourages us to do. If one can and one cannot do something, I will not crticize him/her, nor stand in judgment of them. That's up to them, and their relationship with their understanding of "God."
Hope I don't sound too "preachy" herein, however, I did learn one thing in the 12-step programs and that is I can only speak from my own experience. If I did come across too "preachy," please forgive and understand where I am coming from, and go back to the beginning of this. [Hope this made sense!]
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