Thursday, November 19, 2020

 Not sure if I'm alone in this or not but all this election and political nonsense are giving me some anxiety. While I was thinking about it I realized it was triggering feelings I had of the insecurity I  had with my parents. They never argued in front of us kids or fought about anything that I know of but the feeling of my parents not having my back, so to speak, and not being about to really know what was going on with all of our moving around was telling on me especially with my grades and school work.

I think that's why I spent so much time in my head and alone with a rare friend or two. Home held a deep undercurrent of uncertainty that I couldn't articulate back then but was definitely felt and impacted me. I immersed myself in books of fantasy and science fiction and television shows like "The Outer Limits", "Twilight Zone" and "Science Fiction Theater". I couldn't go to movie theaters till much later in High School where I was able to sneak off with a friend.  But when I was, it was mostly science fiction or horror. 

I liked a happy ending where the monster got his comeuppance. I hated the ones that left you wondering if more was to come or if it really died. It felt too much like my life. 

My faith has been a great help in dealing with all this. I'm learning over and over again that there is someone who has my back, watches over me, and will always be there for me no matter what. 

Just my thoughts


Zale Dowlen said...

"Home held a deep undercurrent of uncertainty..." and fear.

Roger Mann said...

Yes, indeed. Odd that it seemed so normal to me.