I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Confidence to Speak

(an encore post by Cecil Murphey)

I handled my abuse with amnesia (a form of denial) and was fifty-one years old before the first memories trickled back to my consciousness. As the painful memories emerged, my wife held my hand and my friend David gave me his shoulder. They encouraged me and infused me with confidence to speak about my molestation.

Every time I spoke about my abuse to anyone else, it emboldened me to speak more freely. But I didn't tell my family of origin or my own children. I made dozens of excuses for myself, such as:

* It no longer matters.

* They don't care.

* What difference does it make?

* I talk about it to others; why should I have to bring in my siblings or my kids?

* It will only stir up anger and hurt.

* They probably won't believe me.

I lived and grew up in a dysfunctional family. We didn't talk about secret things. When I was growing up, my family didn't even use words like pregnant. My mother would say, "She's that way." Her emphasis on those two words made it clear to me what she meant. It also reminds me of the way life was in those days.

A thought came to me one day. Perhaps speaking to my siblings would bring healing for all of us. Perhaps all of us could face our painful childhood—even though our issues were not the same.

Most of all, I admitted to myself that if I opened up, it would help me. By the time I was able to face my abuse, my parents were dead, and both my abusers were dead.

I opened up and truly shattered the silence. To my surprise, my three surviving siblings understand what I went through.


Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, my husband chose divorce over facing his issues with me, though I said I would be there for him. In the end, his grounds for divorce were that we had lived apart for more than a year. He had become a workaholic and create a lot of debt buried in our house. Now our son, who bore the brunt of physical abuse my former husband had also endured as a child, is facing depression and suicidal thoughts. My former husband also had endured sexual abuse by a priest in his teens. I gave him your latest book for sexual abuse victims just before he followed through with the divorce. I turned to God and have since joined a Celebrate Recovery group. There is nothing more I can do...

Cec Murphey said...

Don't give up hope for him. He obviously has many issues. Quite likely, he's doing the best he can. Ultimately, it's his decision, but keep hoping and keep praying.
Cec Murphey

Anonymous said...

Thank you. I try to hope, but have to move forward without him. Maybe in the crisis with our sin, he saw that he needed help, too. Or, maybe in helping my son heal, he can find help for himself. It is tearing me apart.