I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Who Am I?

(This is a guest post from a reader named Roger.)

The assaults I suffered in childhood and as an adult left me confused as to who I was. I read a lot of science fiction in middle school and high school and thought I would like to be a physicist and study the nature of our universe. I was fascinated by science and I wanted to be part of that.

But that wasn’t to be. After high school, Dad insisted I go to Bible college, probably hoping God could undo the mess my father’s incest had made of my life. But I was a lost soul at that point. No vision. No more dream and emotionally too messed up to focus on any goal. I settled to just go from one day to the next, trying to keep it together so no one would see how totally messed up my thinking and attitudes were.

I became a social chameleon. I became whomever I was with. I desperately wanted to fit in somewhere, but deep down knew I couldn’t. So I faked it, and in doing that I lost whatever sense of who I was.

I lived that way for decades, and it wasn’t until I came back to my faith in God that I began to heal. God has helped me see that regardless of what happened to me, I’m still His creation. God can’t undo all that has happened, but He can make something beautiful out of it if I allow Him and give up trying to change myself into something I’m not.

I don’t have to be like everyone else or what others think I should.

4 comments:

Robert said...

I too grew up changing my personality to each person or group I was with to fit in. I was desperate and fearful, not able to be myself. It is better now and God is healing me at age 50. I have learned so much about why I was the way I was, my identity changed from the abuse, but years later I am getting it back. Thank you for sharing.

Roger Mann said...

It is so true, God can restore what the enemy has taken or never allowed to develop. He restoreth my soul!

Roger

Mark said...

Your story is so painful, and YET SO FULL of HOPE! That's powerful. Thank you for sharing!

Josepjh said...

I used humor to cover up my despair and loneliness; Joseph, the goof-off; Joseph who could always make folks laugh. But on the loneliness in my soul, for many, many years. And then God's patient, loving grace began to restore through pastors and a counselor. It is a continuing process, and the journey goes on. However, now it is a hope-filled journey, because I am recovering. To God be the praise.