(This private email came to me from John B. and he has given me permission to share it. Will some of you respond to John? --Cec)
Yesterday was really tough for me. The final collapse of my marriage is so hard to face.
It's weird because I've been unhappy in the marriage for...well, probably ever. And I also blamed it on the way my wife treated me.
Now I suddenly realize that some, although not all, of the unhappiness came from me being dysfunctional. Walling myself off, turning away from her and to myself, not telling her what I really think, and feeling so negative about myself all the time.
Cec, I want to transition from looking at the way the abuse has hurt my life, and start looking at ways to make my life better. How do I go from here (Oh crap, I've endured so much unnecessary pain because of the way I emotionally respond to things which is rooted in my abuse) to there (I was sexually abused and it affects me sometimes, but I act in a functional manner as much as I possibly can)???
You've made this transition. I want to be where you are. Open. Comfortable. Happy.