I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

I Want to Be Healed

Those of us who were sexually molested yearn to be healed. Sometimes we get impatient. We tell ourselves we ought to be free of the painful memories and horrible effects of our assault.

About two years after facing my abuse, I often heard myself saying, "I should be healed by now." When I spoke those words, I didn’t understand the per­vasiveness of molestation. I wanted to be completely free from my past abuse and to have the memories wiped away.

Life doesn’t work that way. Healing is a process—and the word process means that the changes don't happen quickly.

When I consider process, three things stand out. First, sexuality involves our total selves—mind, body, emotions, and spirit. God created us that way, and sexual­ity is a powerful force in our lives.

Second, our abuse took place in secret, and it happened when we were young and innocent. We lived with our hidden anguish for years.

Third, it took a long time before we were ready to face our pain and reach for healing. Deep healing comes slowly. To acknowledge that reality is a powerful factor in learning to endure.

Be kind to yourself. Think of each day as taking you forward toward a full resolution of your pain. As Alcoholics Anonymous says it, "One day at a time."

Healing is a process. 

I'll be patient with myself.

2 comments:

Roger Mann said...

When I first realized the extent of the damage that was done to me I wanted it fixed right away. I found a web site for survivors and I set out to fast track my healing. But it is not like repairing a broken bone. I did brake my arm when I was a teenager. Initially it was painful for a few days after I got my cast. Eventually it just was a part of me and I adapted until the case was removed and strength returned. I don't even think about it anymore.

This is different. As you say it affects our whole self and how we see ourselves. It affects how we see others too. I began in earnest to heal 13 years ago. I am still on this journey learning more everyday. And I suspect it is more of a journey than a destination. As we leave childhood and grow up, we will normally find we continue to learn and grow spiritually, emotionally all our lives and with this it is no different. I will continue to grow and learn about who I am and why till I die I suppose and I am finding it both sad and joyous, sometimes in the same day.

Joseph said...

This Christmas I found my self singing along with Christmas songs and feeling happy. That's a first I believe. I used to go into a depressing the first of December and not start coming out of it until the end of January. I never connected that aversion to Christmas to be associated with my being a wounded man, but I think now there must be some connection. My 3rd year with a counselor is drawing to a close, and it's amazing at the progress I've made in 3 years. But, as you say, it is a journey and I intend to keep on making progress. Being happy at Christmas is a big step for me.