I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Feeling Compassion for Me

“Be kind to yourself,” my best friend, David Morgan, said. “Show Cec a little sympathy.”

His words sounded odd, and I hardly knew how to respond.

“You empathize with others. Don’t you think you deserve a little of that same level of caring?”

It took me a few minutes to absorb David’s words, but I knew he was right. I still didn’t know how to show compassion for myself.

“Think of that little kid who was molested. He survived and he didn’t give up on you, did he? You’re who you are today because of him.” David reminded me that my two younger brothers became alcoholics. When I spoke about them, he pointed out that I spoke understandingly.

And then I understood.

Self-compassion was another term he used. I had set higher standards for myself than I did for others. When they failed, I didn’t judge them, but accepted their being human.

I couldn’t do the same for Cec. “You know better,” was something I said accusingly to myself back then.

Now I’m learning self-compassion. I wish I could say it’s been easy, but it hasn’t. Each day I say several statements about myself. They’re all true and the more often I say them, the more I affirm them.

I accept and embrace who I am.
I treat myself with compassion.

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Are there questions or specific topics you'd like Cec to address in upcoming blog entries? If so, please send an email to his assistant at the following address: cecilmurphey(at)mchsi(dot)com.

1 comment:

Dan said...

Still working on this. Trying to give myself Grace, and not be so hard on myself. Forgiving myself for things I didn't even understand at the time. Forgiving myself for allowing it to happen, when i wasn't even aware of how awful it was. I'm not sure that I need to forgive my little self, but it feels good to tell myself that now.
Dan