I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Why Me? (Part 4 of 7)

We needy kids carried an invisible sign on our forehead that perpetrators sensed. That doesn’t put the blame on us. Perpetrators took advantage of us because we were driven by basic, human needs.

Think about those who molested us. They were people we knew— authority figures or individuals we should have been able to trust. We were programmed by God to trust. We needed someone who made us feel wanted. Loved.

My male perp used to tell me I was special and said countless nice things to me. He invited me into his room and fed me snacks. I ate while I sat on his lap.

Think again of what I mentioned above:

1. He said the words (special).

2. He treated me as special (invited me into his room).

3. He gave me gifts (food in this case).

4. He held me (on his lap).

None of those described so far are in themselves evil. As a kid I’d sit on anyone’s lap who wanted to hold me. Few adults held me, so I gravitated toward any who extended their arms.

The four things mentioned above were the preliminary steps of the old man prepping me. Because I didn’t resist, my molester took the next step. His holding led to brushing my hair with his hand, stroking my face, and telling me what soft skin I had. He knew what he was doing. He sensed my need and manipulated me to satisfy his evil craving.

As a child I was victimized;
As an adult, I am a healthy survivor.

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