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Who I Am and What I Do

In the previous blog I mentioned I began to focus on my childhood only after I felt loved for being who I was.

As a pastor, I felt loved and accepted by most members, but I assumed it was conditional—based on my performance. It might have seemed a safe environment, and perhaps it was. But when I first faced my memories, I asked myself this question: If I didn’t do those good things for members of the congregation, would they still love me?

A few months after I left the ministry to write full time, I finally voiced that question to my wife, Shirley. She laughed. “That’s a distorted viewpoint. You are kind and caring. That’s part of who you are. You may not trust your motives, but people know who you are. You can’t hide yourself indefinitely.”

My big lesson from that was that I had been safe for a long time, but until I accepted that reality, insecurity and uncertainty troubled me.

Who I am and what I do.
That matters most.

3 comments:

Larry Clemson said...

In a class this past week we discussed being like Christ as in of no reputation.
"reputation" meaning what others think of me or you. Jesus was confident in who he was.
He knew who His father God said he was. I think I have struggled with who I am & I think most of us has. I guess we need to focus on who God says we are. Why is it so hard? Today I was rebuked for being loud at work. I am blessed (or I feel cursed) with a loud voice that carries. The rebuke sent me down a path of wrong thinking - what a looser I am. I go there so quickly & have done that as long as I can remember.
In the class we also discussed how we want to be remembered. I hope by the things I do people will think I was kind to them & respected others. That my life shown the light of God.
I just don't feel it - Why did we have to be abused & have our thoughts so flawed?
Who am I & what do I do? Am I just a loud goof ball with no reason or purpose or am I really what God says I am? His loved son, His heir, A man that he gave his life for etc.....

Cecil Murphey said...

Larry, you are who you are--a creation of God. Ethel Waters said, "God don't make no junk."
So you're criticizing God? You are a lovable creation of God. Like the rest of us, you're flawed, but you're still a divine creation.

Larry Clemson said...

Thank you! I know it but just don't always feel it. Life has been hard lately & I get my eyes off the truth.