I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

“But It Felt Good” (Part 2 of 2)

We survivors grew up in a convoluted world. Because we were vulnerable, needy kids, our abusers took advantage of us. As a result, we felt guilty over sexual stimulation. Frigidity is usually a female malady, but it applies to males as well (even though we use different terms). Some of them can’t achieve an erection and have other problems associated with normal intercourse.

We’re ashamed that our bodies “betrayed” us and some men never get free. Some become promiscuous, running from one sexual partner to the next. It’s as if they shout, “See, I’m all right and abuse didn’t affect me.”

We respond differently to the horrible experiences of childhood. The often-silent voices come from feeling ashamed of having erotic feelings.

“Of course it felt good!” I wish I could get that message across to every male who was raped. That’s why we have so much pain and guilt today—those selfish perpetrators destroyed the placidity of our childhood. They did the evil deed and we pay the consequences.

My abuse felt good, which is natural and normal. I accept that and I remind myself that I was a normal, needy kid whom someone exploited.


Cecil Murphey said...

This came to me privately from Kevin.
When I first remembered fully being raped by the priest at a day camp is that he singled me out and started treating me special. Then grabbed my hand in a nice way,took me in the woods,had me kneel,slid my shorts down and raped me. I went back to camp and never spoke about it for 40 years.
But what I also keep thinking was how could I also be sexually abused at home too? How did the priest know?
But now I know it's because they are predators and smell emotional wounds like sharks smell blood in the water.
Sex for me is not normal. I don't think it will ever be. Why my wife stays with me is beyond me.

Roger Mann said...

Cec wrote, "Some become promiscuous, running from one sexual partner to the next. It’s as if they shout, “See, I’m all right and abuse didn’t affect me.”

This was my experience also. I threw myself in to all sorts of things that I once said I would never do. I was trying to convince myself that it had not affected me and I was just a normal guy with a good appetite. I left a wake of destruction in my journey back to reality. I sometimes think to myself it would have been so much better if it had been a horrible painful bad experience that I would never want again. I just don't know.