Tuesday, July 25, 2017

The Best Words

My healing journey was slow and painful (or so it seems to me) and part of that may be because I live in a culture that expects miracle makeovers. I worked at my healing. I read everything I could find on the topic. I attended conferences where they had breakout groups to deal with sexual issues. I connected on the Internet with men all over the country and a few overseas. I joined a small group of men—I was the only admitted survivor—and the other five men affirmed me and loved me.

Nearly three years later, my wife and I were with another couple and Shirley said, “I don’t know Cec anymore. He used to be predictable, but he’s changed so much. It’s like having a different husband.” She held my hand, smiled at me, and said, “And I love the new man even more.”

Those were the most affirming words I heard during my healing journey. The woman with whom I lived every day saw and affirmed the difference.

She asserted what I had begun to feel.

We all need the outside witness—someone else to notice and appreciate the change. When that happens, we’re able to move farther and faster down the healing path.


Anonymous said...

This is encouraging! Thanks Cec!

Unknown said...

Cec, This is so encouraging! It also serves as a reminder to me to say thank you to my family for all of their encouragement and support.

Thank you Cec for your faithful encouragement and all that you do to help your fellow survivors.

Cecil Murphey said...

I appreciate both comments. THANK you for the kind words. Too many of us are still hurting. Sad to say, but many find no help from their families or their friends.

Dan said...

Having your BAE or BFF say that they love the new you is great.
I have heard affirming comments in my journey, and some say they liked the old me better. Some know what I've been through, some do not. I find that living in the moment and letting myself feel life is exciting. It is better than living in a box that you constructed based on how you perceived others wanted you to be. I find myself free to be me. If that makes sense to any of you. The support you or I get (esp. from my spouse)is definitely encouraging. My spouse is enjoying the fact that I can share how I really feel about something now as it occurs, vs not having a feeling in regards to.....whatever.