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Contemplating My Father (Part 2 of 2)

(This post comes from Roger Mann.)

I swore to myself repeatedly that I wouldn't allow myself to become my father. I've managed fairly well, but sadly, there are exceptions, and that brings me many regrets.

I've imitated my father's work ethic, his charm and charisma, his wit, and his intelligence. Still, I also have the imparted weaknesses. Is it generational? Have the sins of the father actually been passed down to me by decree or by nurture? IDK.

What I do know is that, like him, I’m manipulative, competitive, secretive, lustful, angry, and by my own actions, a loner and lonely. I've done all the things he did with few exceptions and many more he probably wished he had done. And yet, I have no STDs, I'm in good health for my age and look and act at least ten years younger than I am.

I've been wishing my life was over and I could rest. But that's not to be. I must still be needed here for something, and I'm happy to stay a while longer.

If my father’s actually in heaven, as I suspect he is, I don't look forward to seeing him. I think it's because I understand him a lot more now than I ever did. A lot more than I ever wanted to.

2 comments:

Mark Cooper said...

I also do not look forward to seeing my dad in Heaven - although I do believe that when he died he was "right with God."

A friend wisely pointed out to me that in Heaven there is nothing left of what was evil or bad about my dad. When I meet my dad again, I will get to know the perfect man God created him to be. And my dad will meet me, also finally a perfect man, with none of my own evil left.

I will never again have to face dad, as I knew him.

Roger Mann said...

Thanks Mark, I like that and hope that is correct. It does make sense when I think about it.