Here is one of the irrational arguments used about women who are now speaking up after years of silence: “She didn’t come forward immediately.”
Isn’t this also typical of us male survivors of sexual assault? We were kids. Perhaps it didn’t occur to us to tell anyone. I wouldn’t have known whom to tell. I didn’t think anyone cared enough. In fact, if I had been shown the love and attention I needed, I probably wouldn’t have been victimized. My perps chose me because I was lonely, felt unloved, and craved attention.
This argument about not speaking up immediately after the incident is just another backhanded way at blaming the victim rather than the perpetrator. Instead of authority figures accepting the information and investigating, they slam the door in the face of the already hurting survivor.
One of my male survivor friends said, “It’s like being abused twice—first by the perp and then by those who should be able to help but don’t.”
Have you felt blamed for the abuse?