Friday, February 22, 2013

I Want to Be Healed

(By Cecil Murphey)

Those of us who were sexually molested yearn to be healed. Sometimes we get impatient. We tell ourselves we ought to be free of the painful memories and horrible effects of our assault.

About two years after facing my abuse, I often heard myself saying, "I should be healed by now." When I spoke those words, I didn’t understand the per­vasiveness of molestation. I wanted to be completely free from my past abuse and to have the memories wiped away.

Life doesn’t work that way. Healing is a process—and the word process means that the changes don't happen quickly.

When I consider process, three things stand out. First, sexuality involves our total selves—mind, body, emotions, and spirit. God created us that way, and sexual­ity is a powerful force in our lives.

Second, our abuse took place in secret, and it happened when we were young and innocent. We lived with our hidden anguish for years.

Third, it took a long time before we were ready to face our pain and reach for healing. Deep healing comes slowly. To acknowledge that reality is a powerful factor in learning to endure.

Be kind to yourself. Think of each day as taking you forward toward a full resolution of your pain. As Alcoholics Anonymous says it, "One day at a time."

Healing is a process. 

I'll be patient with myself.

(This post is adapted from Not Quite Healed, by Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe.)


Anonymous said...

I am a Christian dating a Christian man who was raped as a child. He told me once and said I should never bring it up.17 yrs later He is hurting and is not healed. It is a subject that never comes up. What should I do to help

Gary said...

Hi. Of course, pray. In fact, consider telling him you're praying that he would talk about it. As you know, until he does, it's locked inside him. It is terrifying, however, to think about going back into all that happened. Somehow as men we feel like we should be "past" it. But it mattered. And what matters takes time and effort to heal from. Hope this helps. Please continue to dialogue with us. Don't go it alone.