Monday, March 9, 2020

January has always been a difficult month for me. It's the month so many life-changing things happened. I admit I've not always handled it well. This past January and February was no exception.

That said, I've found a peace that I was not expecting. I've learned or been forced to learn to lean on my faith and my wife for support. I wish I could say all my close friends were there for me but I really don't have any. That's my fault. I don't reach out and I'm not good and making friends. A life long habit of keeping secrets and people at a distance is difficult to break.

We've just made the move to a new church and it occurs to me that this might be a good time to start developing some relationships with neighbors and good men in our new fellowship. Maybe it's time to let others see more of the real me. I know that I've never felt so isolated as I had this last month and it didn't feel good.

I can learn a lot from others and perhaps it's not too late to find a few good dependable friends. I know at my age group there still are some good people out there. Being alone felt safe but it really wasn't. And perhaps safe is not a good way to live anyway. That's just existing and I'm finding I really want to live.

Just my thoughts.


Zale Dowlen said...

Roger, thanks for sharing. You and I have discussed this a bit off list, but I simply don't know how someone recovers without a relationship with the Lord.

Yes, I know, folks have been victimized by toxic churches, ministries and ministers. One of my perpetrators was not only a minister, but was supposed to be teaching me ministry when he perpetrated on me. So, I have the utmost sympathy for those situations. But I simply cannot imagine my recovery without my connection to the Lord.

I am blessed by your bravery.

Roger Mann said...

Indeed, I totally agree. I've spoken with a lot of survivors and the ones that seem to be doing the best are the ones that some kind of faith to lean on. It really helps to believe that someone is in control and can be counted on to have your back regardless of how things look.

Doug Bee said...

There is a group on Facebook called Living Letters. You will find a very affirming group that is Christ centered.
One aspect of men who have been abused is ssa. Another aspect is difficulty in male relationships, and many in this group simply need that friendship and affirmation. No matter where, I hope you find that group.