Sunday, March 15, 2020

Why me?

I suppose we all have asked that question from time to time. I pretty much know why me. My father had a predilection for boys. I was born to him and mom and I'm sure he probably wrestled with his demon for some time before giving in. But once he did it was over and my life changed forever. That was my beginning and life as I understood it as a child.

But later, others began to approach me even though I never told anyone. I began to wonder if there was something about me that just screamed: "take me"? It happened so often and in so many different places that I thought maybe there was someone on my forehead that I couldn't see but certain others could.

In talking to others over the years I've discovered similar stories. It's been a topic of discussion several places about whether there is some look or attitude or stereotype that gets targeted that we all fit in.

Whether or not it's the case, it's the cards I was dealt with and now that I'm adult, the choice is mine to be a victim or victorious over it all. It took me a while but I've chosen the latter and have been much happier ever since. Like a friend of mine once said: I won't live in fear, but I won't live in stupid either.

Every day is a new choice and a new victory.


Zale Dowlen said...

Hi Roger, maybe this blog is down to the 2 of us. I believe Allendar commented in one of his books about this effect. I can tell you that my wife and I both experienced. As I represent kids in the same role, I can tell you that they see it too. So, yes, once the abuse occurs, it appears that you then have a sign on your back as to it being open season.

Roger Mann said...

This makes sense to me. As I look back on my childhood there was a definite change in my perception of others after this "knowledge" came into my life. My sexualization definitely altered the way I saw my friends, other adults and especially other men.

Doug Bee said...

I have a friend in a similar situation. How sad! The very people who need even more protection get even more abuse. So sad I could cry. Love your honest commentary, Roger! If only more people knew how devastating this is. So glad you are shattering the silence.