I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Michael's Story

NOTE: Michael was neglected by both parents and terrorized by an alcoholic father. He was physically and emotionally abused by his mother. Michael started to drink at age 11 and became an alcoholic until he was 28 years old. In early 2010, he almost died of acute liver failure because of the abuse of prescription drugs. Here's the rest of his story:

My elderly grandparents lived with us when I was young. My parents seemed too busy or detached to nurture me and show me affection, so I often went downstairs to sit in my Granny’s lap. She was my comfort, sang songs for me, and made me laugh. Granny told scary stories and took me for walks.

Granny is also the one who sexually molested me when she gave me my baths. How could I face that? The only one who thought I was worth spending time with, who took time to enjoy me for who I was—her loveable grandchild— wasn't who I thought she was. She robbed me of my innocence.

Through those days in the hospital, when I suffered from acute liver failure, my wife stuck with me. That's when I finally realized that nothing I could do would make her emotionally abandon me or leave me. I was able to tell my wife what Granny did. Then I told a counselor. I broke down and wept and he told me it was okay to cry. He was compassionate and he understood, just as my wife had understood.

I am beginning to realize how much abuse has affected my life. I'm grateful to be alive and have opportunity to heal. I'm grateful to courageous survivors who have dared to tell their stories so that I could gain the courage to tell mine.

2 comments:

Let Go...Let Peace Come In said...

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gretchen Paules and I am the Administrative Director for a newly formed nonprofit called the Let Go...Let Peace Come In Foundation. Our mission at LGLPCI is to help heal and support adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse worldwide. We are actively seeking adult survivors who would be willing to post their childhood photo & caption, their story, or their creative expressions to our website www.letgoletpeacecomein.org. We also have a youtube video that can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4PDC03Gl2k. By uniting survivors from around the globe we hope to provide a stronger and more powerful voice to those survivors who have not yet found the courage to speak out or have been cast aside with disbelief. Through increased awareness

I am writing to you today to ask you to please consider posting to our website. It is through the support of courageous survivors like you that we will succeed in our effort to help one survivor at a time. If you have any questions please feel free to e-mail me directly at gretchen@letgoletpeacecomein.org. Together we can; together we should; together we NEED to stand up and be counted.

Warmest Regards,
Gretchen Paules
Administrative Director
Let Go...Let Peace Come In Foundation
111 Presidential Blvd., Suite 212
Bala Cynwyd, PA 19004

stanw said...

While reading Michael's Story I saw where his Grandmother molested him while she was bathing him. At that moment something inside me said, "that is what mom did to me." I have no concrete memories but I know my mother did things to me. I have had dreams of hands caressing me and going where they should not have gone and I know they were woman's hands. I would awake laying in a fetal position with my hands covering my private parts. Also I get feelings that I was "forced" to be uncomfortably close to a woman's breasts and between her legs at a young age. This is kind of graphic but I feel this so acutely. I was adopted and from what I have learned my parents had fallen out of love and my mother needed someone that would love her back. These things concerning my mother are only recent things I dared even mention, they were very hard to face.

I so feel for Michael, someone he trusted using him in such a way. When the child doesn't know what is happening it is so devastating.