(The woman who wrote this has chosen anonymity.)
I can't be the only woman who has been used in a marriage for sex, then completely ignored outside the confines of the bedroom. I have lived for more than 25 years in a marriage with a dark shadow.
Sex is part of a marriage, but when a wife is used to meet his need and ignored elsewhere, there must be more to his story.
What is his deep seeded secret? Why doesn't he pay attention to me outside the bedroom door? Why does he dote on the kids, love them with words of affirmation and outward affection of attention, and there I stand, unnoticed?
I don't even know my husband. His walls are very high, especially with me—the woman he vowed to love, cherish, and honor the rest of his life. However, to those outside our front door he is kind, loving, thoughtful, caring, and a charmer.
I'm an object to be used only for sex, then to be ignored, criticized, or negated the rest of the time (this includes emotionally, spiritually, and financially). He allows no questions regarding the financial mess we're in and that we'll soon lose our home.
Not once have I heard from my husband’s mouth what his deep wound is. From my extensive research and my discernment, I am pretty certain sexual abuse is at the core of his gaping wound. If you saw my copy of Cec’s book When a Man You Love Was Abused with pages full of comments and highlights, you would realize why I believe he was sexually molested.
The emotional abuse has been curtailed and sexual abuse has been stopped. With God’s healing word and years of counseling, I have implemented healthy boundaries. Even though I am for a whole and healthy marriage, I am uncertain whether my husband will allow God to miraculously heal him.
Separation may need to be next and yet I keep my focus on my Creator. Pray for us, that my husband will address his pain.