I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

15 Seconds

(This post comes from Eric Wagenmaker.)

I grew up in a small town and live here still today. About twice a year, I inadvertently see my perpetrator. Whether it’s at the mall, a community event, or seeing him in his car at a stoplight, I see him.

Because of my abuse, I have learned how to wear masks. If people are with me they can't tell that my blood was boiling or that everything inside of me had gone numb. When I see him, for about 15 seconds or so, I am brought back to the high school locker room where my abuser abducted me.

Once the 15 seconds are over and my emotions are normal, I'm reminded of how far I have come.

I've experienced substantial healing in the last year and a half since I first shared about my abuse publicly for the first time. I've been able to share my story freely with person after person. Each time I share, a new layer peels back and the more freedom I experience.

Every time I see my perpetrator it allows me another opportunity to forgive him. That is truly where the healing started for me. I pray for the day I can see him and my emotions won't miss a beat.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am 60 years old, female, wife, mother, daughter. I recently was caring for my 86 year old father. In the course of a conversation between my mother and myself, I was being accuse by my mom of being over protective of my daughter (7 years old)concerning sexual abuse. My mom knew I'd been sexually abused by an uncle and neighbor at a young age. All of a sudden, my father turned and told of his being abused by a 23 year old male when my dad was 8 years old. It happen behind the wood shed at their home. He said it was the first he had spoken of it in all those years. He said it did nothing to discuss such matters. BUT, in the days that followed I witnessed my dad's health become better. I think it was a release and healing for his broken heart. My mom was, of course, floored to think the man she had been married to for over 60 years had never shared this with her. Several months ago my dad passed away. When I travel back through my memories I see a little boy hurt so deep emotionally and it makes me want to protect my daughter even more.