I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Why Do I Have to Talk About It?

(By Cecil Murphey)

One reason for murky statistics about male survivors of sexual assault is that many of us aren't forthcoming. That is, we don’t want to talk about being molested. It still hurts and we feel less like real men if we admit our pain.

I never want to force anyone to talk about their abusive past. And yet, I know that until we do bring the dark secrets into the light by talking about them, the pain stays inside. We try to ignore it or pretend it doesn’t hurt. But we know differently.

Speaking about our pain-streaked childhood isn't easy. Shame often holds us back, even though we were innocent, pliable children.

But those of us who have the courage to speak out—even when fear and self-loathing keep trying to pull us back—have learned an invaluable lesson. When the truth comes out, it's no longer a secret. When another human being—a person with whom we feel safe—hears and understands our anguish, the healing process becomes operational.

We were abused in secret; we lived with our secrets.
Now we're ready to bring the truth into the open.

(This post was adapted from Not Quite Healed, written by Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this honest reminder. In truth, there are many reasons why men (notice, boys don't readily "out") don't share. On average, they "out" their story 12 years later than their female counterparts. For example, proportionality arguments are common. But thanks to events like the Catholic Church debacle and Penn St, it's apparent that boys are abused and the numbers are now closer to 1 in 5. Proportionality arguments are simply dehumanizing. Should we omit the phrase "Men and Women of our armed services" this Memorial Day because the vast amount of deaths are male? Until the literature stops comparing scars. As a person of faith, I prefer the more holistic term: PERSON, rather than just, GENDER. Frankly, the gender rhetoric will continue to keep most men silent. Are we ready to face these broken men later down the road?