(an encore post by Cecil Murphey)
I asked that question a few months into what we now call my recovery period. The pain was intense. In some ways I felt victimized a second time. "I had to go through that as a kid," I said to my wife. "Now that I understand what was going on, it hurts even worse."
Maybe it wasn't worse; maybe it only felt worse.
And the pain went on a long time. I didn't keep any record, but the most intense period was probably about two years. I had opened the door and I couldn't shut it. I knew I had to keep going.
I've long moved past the pain. The memories have begun to dull the way most memories do. That's one powerful reward for pushing forward. But there's more.
I have healthier relationships with my wife and my family. I understand friendship on a deeper level than ever. But most of all, I have a good life. I like being alive and I like who I am.
The journey has been worth it, even with the pain.
2 comments:
Just recently confided in the pastor at my church regarding my sexual abuse as a child. This was a difficult step because my abuser hid behind the mask of the church. I found your book recently, and read it through once, and now understand why & how I view my relationships with other people. I recently purchased my wife the women's support book of their spouse. Already shed many tears that I didn't realize would be there. Thought this didn't have any effect on me, or my relationships but am finding out different. You book is a blessing in disguise when it was found.
I needed to read this today. I ask myself this question all the time and I've only remembered for 3 months. I thought the beginning was the worst. But then it deepens.
THANK YOU. For reminding me that there is hope. That memories and pain dull.
Thank you.
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