Friday, October 10, 2014

The Room

(This post comes from a reader named Mark.)

I realized it was time to ask my Celebrate Recovery sponsor to visit the room where I was abused as a child. I wanted him to see that room. I needed him to see it.

"The room" is a bathroom. It’s remote, mostly unused, unseen. It appears as if it is in a house that has been long abandoned. For me, that room has been the family secret.

As I led the way, I cried. I was shocked, anxious, and relieved with the choice to allow someone to see the room.

My sponsor stood in the middle of that place and said something I was unprepared for. "So tell me what happened here."

"This is where I was raped."

The room doesn’t hold as much power now. By exposing that room, I’m not as afraid of my memories. I don’t need to cower in shame from the abandonment that the room represents. The room is no longer my secret.


Roger Mann said...

Mark, I have found there is something incredibly freeing and healing in releasing the secrets of our past, even to just one person. There is something about telling. Maybe it is more about being believed I don't know.

I will be doing my 4th step inventory in my Celebrate Recovery 12 step program. This is the third time I have done it and will be the second time I actually got past this step. This time I have vowed to release all the secrets, some I have carried for over 60 years. Yes, like you, there will be tears but hopefully relief too.

Thanks for sharing this.


Joseph said...

You are so on target, Roger. I found such a release in telling it all to a counselor. I'd held it in for almost 60 years. I did a great deal of weeping as I told over a period of weeks. But oh the relief, to finally see that I did not start it, but that it was an evil done to me.
Cec, you are doing a wonderful thing on this site.