Tuesday, February 10, 2015

A Response to Hiding the Pain

(This is a response from Roger to the last blog post. I thought it should be shared.)

There is so much of my childhood I cannot remember. I sometimes wonder if I want to remember it. I know there were lots of good times; at least I think there were. But I can't seem to recall much at all. To be honest I am afraid to remember because I really don't know what all was done to me and more to the point I don't want to remember what I may have done too.

Deep inside when I read posts like this there is a deep uncomfortable feeling in my chest that rolls around for a while till I can distract myself with other activities. My life is good right now, why would I want to submerge myself in something so terrible and so long ago? What good could come of that at this point in my life? I just don't know and not knowing I suspect is better than knowing and facing the pain.

For me, there is enough pain and things to work on right now. Why would I want to add anything else on my plate when it is already full? I am determined not to crack up like my dad and do something stupid. I just want to survive.

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