I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Bimodal

This word bimodal fell into my vocabulary long after my healing started. The word refers to two different ways or models of coping. I mention this because it helped me make sense of some of my own behavior. It's like saying that hypersensitivity or overreacting can occur at the same time as numbing out.

I understood that when it came to the matter of trusting others. Sometimes I was skeptical of anyone who made any promises and acted as if they wanted me to trust them. At other times, I naively believed anyone—and was often taken advantage of.

For a long time I wondered what was wrong with me. Why I could be so skeptical about some people and yet such an easy prey to others. But once I caught onto the bimodal concept, it made sense to me.

It also reminded me that my victimization as a child skewered my life. My inconsistency was one way the molestation showed up.

Just to accept that bimodal response has helped me.

I may be inconsistent at times, but I recognize that is part of the healing journey. For a long time I didn't understand. Now that I do, I can make more progress.




3 comments:

Mark Cooper said...

I call it compartmentalizing. But I do the same thing

Roger Mann said...

I have never heard of this but now that you have explained it I do that too. I can be so gullible at times it is embarrassing and my wife has noticed it and at the same time so untrusting. I just assumed I was of two different personalities and wrote it off to effects of the abuse. I had no idea someone had a name for it.

Damn, another weirdness that makes me all freaky, just what I needed.

Roger Mann said...

I can't stop thinking about this post. I am wondering if I am so willing to trust salesmen and the like and unwilling to trust people whom I should because the former I have no real emotional connection to and therefor no threat of emotional hurt. Then on the other hand unwilling to trust those to whom I should because the opposite is true. I have an emotional connection and therefore could be hurt once again by the potential betrayal.

I desperately throw myself at the former because inside I need to find someone to trust that can't hurt me. Yet I fear the ones I should be able to trust because if they do reject me, I will feel the abuse all over again, an echo of former betrayals.

What a mess.