I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

"That Didn't Happen."

One of the hardest blows to our healing occurs when a family member says, "That didn't happen. He would never have done such a thing." Occasionally I receive emails from survivors who've been ostracized from their family for saying such terrible things "about your uncle Harold."

*Eldon had gone through more than two years of counseling, regularly attended Celebrate Recovery, and began to refer to his dysfunctional childhood on his blog. "Until you admit that those terrible things didn't happen, we want nothing more to do with you," his father said. "Unless you stop writing such terrible lies, you're not welcome in our home."

Four years have lapsed and he has no contact with his family of origin.

"Their words hurt," he said, "and I miss them. I still love them." They returned his letters, and because they had caller ID on their phone, refused to answer when he phoned them.

Eldon had a good job, married a co-worker, and they have a three-year-old son and an infant daughter. "No one in my family has ever seen them, and maybe they never will."

As sad as Eldon was in telling me, I admired his courage for not backing down. "It happened to me and I can't deny the truth."

I wonder how many Eldons have been cut off from their families for being truthful.

Even if it's only one, that's still too many.

1 comment:

Roger Mann said...

This was definitely a fear for me against saying anything. My dad could talk himself out of almost anything he was accused of and in the end make it your fault.

He was respected and trusted because of his status as a pastor with long years in the ministry. Who would believe a kid. Besides I found out after he died that he had been telling anyone who might coming in contact with me that I was not to be believed, that I had strange beliefs and weird ideas and was often in some kind of fantasy, make believe world.

He covered his butt pretty good and it was not till he was finally caught in a situation he could not talk his way out of that people began to listen to me seriously and not just about the abuse but about a lot of other things. I had never told anyone about the abuse and would not have while he was alive. I guess I was afraid of what the consequences would have been.

If I had who knows who I could have spared his attentions. I will always regret that.