I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.


Yes, we survivors need to grieve—grieve for our lost childhood, for our painful memories, for our exploitation. Years ago I read a proverb that went something like this: Those who hide their grief have no remedy for it.

In our healing journey, most of us go through a plethora of emotions, including anger and shame. And we can't neglect grief. By that I mean the anguish and heartache of our stolen childhoods. We need to mourn over the energy we expended trying to help ourselves out of something that wasn't our fault. It's all right to feel sad, miserable, or distressed.

We were victimized because we were young and defenseless. We wanted someone to care for us, to love us, and to accept us. What we received was none of those. And we suffered.

So grieve for that little boy. This may seem strange to some of you, but I've learned to talk to that little boy and say, "I'm here for you. I've suffered with you. We don't want to focus on what we might have been or what we've lost. Together we'll concentrate on what we're going to be."

Our revenge is to turn into happy, peaceful, and loving men.


Robert said...

I keep putting off the full extent of grieving and I know it isn't helping me, sometimes it feels to hard to face

Cec Murphey said...

Robert, of course it's painful It hurts, but I don't know any other way to grow stronger and to move past the agony of our lost childhood.


Robert said...

I agree, and your post encourages me to keep facing this loss and grief. thanks again for the blessing you are!

Dan said...

I grieve for that little boy, I grieve also when I have so much trouble still in trusting people....including my wife. It's hard to try to relearn areas of my life that have been impacted by the abuse.

Anonymous said...

I was looking at a picture of me before it happened. I don't remember me before because I was so young (It happened at 5-6). It's hard for me to grieve for something I don't remember. Does anyone else feel that way? My Dad passed away & my nephew passed away within 2 years I felt the grief it hit hard. How do I feel this grief? If it was my son or daughter that it happened to I think I could feel that grief but this is different. This will be something to "chew on"

Mark Cooper said...

Dear Anonymous

I relate to what you are saying. I was also very young. My memory of the abuse is partial. I know I need to grieve. I want to grieve. Problem is, I feel like I don't know who / what is in the "coffin" that I'm needing to grieve over.

Roger Mann said...

I think grief can come out sideways at times if not processed in healthy ways. For instance I found myself way over reacting to the loss of someone else's son whom I never met. I grieved for several days and cried my eyes out till I thought I would become dehydrated it was so bad. I realized later that I was probably giving my loss and his death just triggered it. I don't know if that is psychologically possible but it did make me wonder.

I too do not remember my childhood, my abuse started way young and I was not even aware of it possibly till I was 10 and caught my dad in my room touching me. Who knows how long this had been going on. I agree with the others, it is difficult to mourn a loss you cannot remember or have no concept of. I can only look at other happy children and wonder what mind was or could have been like.

So sad.