I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Trusting My Guts

For 30 years I've earned a living as a fulltime collaborator or ghostwriter. Only a decade ago I realized why I've been successful at this. Editors tell me I have the ability to get inside others' heads and hearts. Clients trust me. I don't know what I do to engender their faith in me, but that's true.

Here's an example. A few years ago I did a retreat for 15 men. After our first session, Kurt said to me, "You've earned our trust remarkably fast."

That was the first time I'd thought about it. But since then, I see it as my divine gift that developed as a result of my abusive childhood. As a young kid, I learned to sense when my dad was working up toward beating me—usually a day before he erupted. The best I can remember about the old man who sexually assaulted me (and he rented a room from us), is that he became especially friendly and smiled more before he invited me into his room.

I can't attempt to explain how that transfers to adult behavior, but I know it does because I've learned to trust my guts. On two different occasions, I sensed I couldn't work with the people who hired me. But I went ahead anyway, because I couldn't explain the reason to myself for the hesitation. Both efforts bombed.

As survivors, many of us survive and mature because we're willing to trust our instincts. We don't wait for proof or reasons. It's enough to trust our gut instincts.

1 comment:

Roger Mann said...

I have often had an almost psychic insight to certain situations and people. Others have commented on this. In my work others have noticed that I seem to anticipate things at times especially dangerous situations. I personally do not think it is anything supernatural, it is just hypervigilance. I suspect this comes from always having to be aware of my surroundings and what is going on. I am constantly astonished at my wife and daughter who sometimes do not even notice things happening right in front of them.

As a boy I became aware very early of signals in my parents and sibling that could spell a rough time for me and this translated into a hyperawareness of conditions around me. I suspect in olden days cowboys and explorers had the same thing when traveling in unknown territory. We don't need it as much in this day and age or we shouldn't. I see this same thing in the faces of some kids and it makes me wonder if you know what I mean. Call it trusting my guts or whatever you want it has stood me in good stead even though acquiring it was through some painful lessons.

Just my thoughts