God, give us the grace to accept with serenityThis is part of Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer. I like the word serenity. Peace. A sense of inner calm. I tend to be up and down. I need steadiness. My soul longs to be more settled.
the things that cannot be changed,
the courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
To experience serenity, I need to accept what happened. I was sexually abused. Many times. And that abuse had drastic, lifelong effects. I didn’t get what I needed growing up. I cannot change these things. I need grace to accept them.
But there are things I can change. I am not stuck; I can make choices. I need supernatural courage for this. I can resolve to make my healing a priority—not just for my sake, but also out of love for those around me.
I can't change what happened, but I can heal. I can grow in serenity.
If I want to experience serenity,
I must make healing a priority.
I must make healing a priority.
2 comments:
"I am not stuck; I can make choices. I need supernatural courage for this."
Those two sentences especially resonate with me. I feel like I am trapped in the battle of my life right now. Daily having to resist giving in to pornography. Knowing that it is only God's grace and strength that gives me strength.
For some reason I have not made the same choice to rely on God's strength in the area of homosexual fantasy and masturbation. In theory I know that I can make the choice to stop. But I do not want to face the pain and the battle that results every time I do stop.
I truly need supernatural courage to do what does not feel natural to do.
I am a survivor of many abuses. I was molested by a relative and my classmates in high school (all of them were men), bullied severely, and was part of a very dysfunctional family. Don't get me wrong, God has been busy restoring us as a unit, but I can't forget the terror of being hit, slapped, rejected, humilated in front of crowds and being spoken of derogatory words that are still running a playback in my head. All of these affected of how I see myself. Am I a man? Deep inside me, a voice is saying I am, and that homosexual behavior is wrong and unhealthy, but I engaged on it.
I came to know Christ late 2011 and I was thankful. I became a very passionate leader and got involve in missions and ministry work, but last year, everything went ballistic and found myself back doing those homosexual encounters - having sex with guys. It started with me having a massage with a male therapist. For few visit, it was purely massage. Then one day he touched my private part. I was surprised but I tolerated. And then everytime I get emotional, I go there until it became more sexual and I grew on hiring men. Usually what triggers this behavior is my family and everything that happened in the past.
I now feel unworthy, unclean and not qualified to share the gospel. I do feel, honestly, I am beyond repair. I acquired a skin infection in my private part, but afraid to go see a doctor.
I need help, but I don't know how to start.
-Markee Angeles, Manila, Philippines
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