I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

"I Felt as if God Himself Had Molested Me"

"I felt as if God himself had molested me." Objectively and intellectually, he knew the reality, but he said that from an emotional perspective. His pastor was like God to him. "He represented everything I believed and cherished," he said.

He sounded like other church throwaways. I call them throwaways because they have no respect for the church, for ecclesiastical hierarchy, and can't comprehend a loving and compassionate God.

I wouldn't argue with such people. I would hope they could reach the emotional level of forgiving "God" for hurting them and enabling them to turn to the true lover of their souls.

God didn't molest me.
Someone who was supposed to represent God molested me.

(This post was adapted from Not Quite Healed, written by Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe.)

1 comment:

Roger Mann said...

OUCH.

My father was a pastor, teacher, preacher all his life. I grew up under his ministry and saw God use him in miraculous ways. He had a great reputation among his peers.

He was also my 'molester'. All my life he had access to me and did whatever he wanted. I never told till he died. for the first twenty years of my life I assumed this was normal, ok and it felt good most of the time. I accepted Christ through my mother's teaching and believed I had a great childhood. There was a significant amount of sexual activity throughout my young life but what had I to compare it to?

When I left home finally at the age of 18 I began to have some serious confusion over what I now realized was not what other boys experience in their families. I also assumed that those behaviors I was involved in were okay because why would dad and I do those things; why would he encourage me in those things if it were wrong?

So from about 22 yo on I fell into a real spiritual crisis about how God felt about me. If it weren't for my mother I am not sure I would have survived that crisis of the spirit and soul. God was patient and helped me through that but it really tore up a huge part of my life in that struggle to work past the lies.

I too had to deal with the idea that God has molested me directly through my father. I have often been asked how I could still be a Christian after what happened to me. I can only say that Truth survives the scrutiny.