By Daniel K. Eichelberger
I am a statistic. The experts say that one out of every six boys have experienced the things that I have. A staggering number of individuals...boys…children...youth. The number is thought to actually be higher, as it is estimated that as many as 90% never disclose that they have been through it. And of this selected group (yes, we were certainly selected), there are yet more statistics. Disheartening statistics that indicate all of us nameless, faceless numbers are likely to engage in unhealthy and risky behavior in adulthood—drugs, crime, abuse, sexual deviance and promiscuity. The percentages there are shocking. Almost 80% are left with at least one psychological disorder.
Can anything less be expected when you have been robbed of your identity and ushered into that selected group where you are only one of a number of others, useful as long as your flesh is warm? (Did I say selected? Certainly, we were that).
I am a number. Yes. I am a statistic. But I am also something else. It is the miracle of God’s grace that, statistic though I am in the first sense, I have not become one in the second. I am definitely part of the one in six. Maybe part of the 80%. But I have been spared from the statistics of unhealthy and risky behavior. God’s love and grace caught me just in the nick of time.
So, while I am still just a number in one sense, I will rejoice that I am not in the other. I will praise my Maker for loving and seeking me out before my life was wrecked by destructive behavior. And I will dedicate my time, my life, my compassion, my empathy, my love to being His hands and feet in helping those other numbers, those nameless faces—those part of all of the statistics. It is the least that a fellow number can do.
10 comments:
Thank you for sharing this is encouraging! God's Grace is real for me!
I find it tragically sad that so many of us suffer in silence. I also find it encouraging that because of so many public disclosures regarding boys being abused that many are getting help and getting it at a much earlier age. I've pointed out in the past that a child's personality, character, and behavior are shaped at a very early age. They are like wet cement. Footprints of others, gouges and other impacts can leave deep imprints on the surface. If dealt with early, before the 'cement' sets up, much can be done to minimize or eradicate those deep impressions. Left to harden over time, it becomes far more difficult.
I still believe much can be done to fill in and smooth out the rough spots but like cement, it may take much more time and effort and maybe with serious equipment in the hands of experts. It's taken me over ten years to get where I'm at today and I'm still not satisfied with my ability to maintain intimacy and trust. So yes, I'm a number too.
My faith in God's grace and his ability to restore my soul has been significant for me in my recovery. And yes, I too believe God can, and has used my experience to reach out a lifeline of hope to others for change and healing. The scars are there for me but as reminders of the progress I've made and encouragement in what further progress can be made.
I now believe even the worst of damage can be sandblasted, filled in with good stuff, and smoothed over. There is real life after childhood sexual abuse.
Just my thoughts
Yes, Larry and Roger. The Lord gives beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. And I'm so glad that he does.
The ashes are real, the mourning sometimes very deep, and the heaviness crushing, but I do believe He makes all things beautiful in this time.
Thank you for reading my story. God bless you.
Forgiveness. If you cannot forgive, then pray for him. He is dead, and so is his wife - the accomplice. How do you find peace? How do you find closure when the people involved are dead. I know only Christ can provide that peace. Sometimes i feel the peace that Christ offers in this situation, and sometimes i do not. I ask for prayers for me this Christmas season as i return to the house Sunday night where the abuse happened for years. I am now the owner of the house and i am in the process of selling it, but i would much rather burn it to the ground and bulldoze anything that is left.
What now? What now? What now? I need the peace in my soul that only Christ provide and i desire to have this peace every second for tbe rest of my life. My peace was stolen as a child. I could not even sleep for fear of the visitor. I bottled up my feelings for years after that. And now I have been dealing with the revelation and effects for decades. I am ready to forgive even when forgiveness was not requested and find peace in Christ. Please pray for me as I pray for you also.
Will do! I wish I had the answers. I am 43 and it wasn't until about two years ago that it hit me like a brick: you are a victim. Not an accomplice. This was a revelation from God to my soul, and opened up the door of healing for me. It was a painful process to get there...major depression. But it also opened up emotions toward my abusers (three of whom are now dead) that I never had before. Anger, disgust, betrayal, and paradoxically, pity and compassion. What a conflict! Compassion, because I do not think they knew this would destroy my life. They were caught up in their own tortured pleasure and gratification.
Do I forgive? I think I do, but that doesn't mean the emotions do not come and go.
Praying for you!
I have come to believe forgiveness is a process. Every time anger, hurt, resentment rears it's ugly head I feel I must forgive once again. For me this frees me from bondage to that memory. I can move on. As long as I hold the anger, resentment I'm bound to that individual. Having forgiven my father I released him to the judgement of God almighty. Were there perhaps extenuating circumstances? Was he also abused, confused and simply acting out? Doesn't matter now. That is between him and his creator and I'm free to move on with my life.
Anyway, it works for me.
Roger, I've had some of the same questions about my abusers. We really do have to release them into the hands of the Almighty. 3 of mine are dead.
Justin, praying for you by name, better. My email address is in my profile. Click on my name.
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