Sunday, June 21, 2020

Father's Day,

Father's day; the celebration of Dad's everywhere is painful to me as you might imagine and I'm glad I'm not attending church tomorrow to see it all shoved in my face.

That said, there were some good things about my dad. First and foremost and probably his saving grace, was that He loved God. He may not have been dad of the year, but he taught me much about God, the Bible and gave me my first real study Bible that I read and teach from still today. He stayed with my mom and provided for us as best he could all his life. There were several things that I remember and things my mom told me that let me know there were times he was proud of me. I think he probably loved me as best he could in his twisted way due to his own childhood.

In my own way, I loved him back. Even though there were times I was really angry with him. As a kid, I really looked up to him. I can remember playing church with my little sister and imitating his preaching style. And of course, I took an offering.

I have a lot of his traits and mannerisms which I've mixed feelings about. Occasionally I'll catch his scent in my sweat which makes my stomach knot up but reminds me that he was my father and we share genetics. He gave me my work ethic too and that has stood me in good stead over the years for which I'm grateful. He was pretty intelligent too and I probably get that also from him again for which I'm grateful.

So, yes, there are things I'm grateful for and I hope in my heart I've really forgiven him. So I've tried to come up with some good things to remember about him today. It wasn't all bad but some of it was wrong and should not have happened. I guess many guys could say the same. No dad does it perfectly ever but it could have been much worse and so for that, I'm thankful.


Today, I'm thinking of boys everwhere and praying for their fathers. God bless us, everyone.

4 comments:

Cecil B Murphey said...

like Roger, I have had mixed feelings about my father. He was was verbally abusive and beat me regularly. For years after he died, I couldn't feel anything positive him. Over the past decade. I've been able to appreciate the good things he taught me. Work ethic. Most of all, my dad impressed on me that I must always keep my word, no matter how difficult it was for me.
Thanks, Roger, for your message.

jhoenshell said...

Thank you, Roger, once again for an open-hearted tribute. Although my dad left when I was just 10, he had been such a distant parent that it was years before I really understood the ramifications. And sadly, I can say that I've really never struggled with that sense of loss ON Father's Day... at least not until the summer of 1984 when I became a dad myself. I remember on the day of his birth feeling profoundly humbled that God had rewarded us with a SON! I can sincerely recall holding my breath in the delivery room, and then bursting into tears that our first child was a BOY! (Growing up with 4 doting, older sisters probably contributed to that apprehension). But more critically, I was just sure that -- due to my sordid lifestyle, clearly due to a literal host of childhood molestations -- the privilege of having SONS was going to be withheld from me. Despite years of penitent self-loathing over the secretive habits I had capitulated to, I was convinced that I deserved the "punishment" of fathering only daughters (definitely an abysmal, if not politically-incorrect way of thinking)! But to my shame and amazement, God was going to prove His gracious forgiveness by blessing us with not only one, but a second boy as well! They're both now Godly fathers themselves, for which I drop to my knees in eternal gratitude for His sanctifying grace!

But I'll admit that I come to Father's Day each year NOT thinking about my dad (who passed away in '97), but consumed with feelings of deep humility that God called & equipped ME to be "the dad" to our 3 children (with a 4th nameless little life which miscarried early on). It's a title I wear with honor!

Roger Mann said...

I know just what you mean, J. I've been blessed with a grandson this year. He's three months old now and reacting to us with smiles and excitement. I feel so blessed to be able to care for him occasionally and teach him stuff. I want to honour the gift and trust God has given me in these latest years of my life. I have gotten choked up thinking about it several times. Thanks for the comment.

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