Friday, February 25, 2011

Questions and Answers (Part 3 of 7)

"Why do some boys become victims and others aren't?"

That's unanswerable, but I'll give you my observation. Some boys (and I was one of them) feel unloved and alone. Every person in the world needs attention and affection. Because they don't feel loved by their parents or other family members, they become susceptible to predators.

There are exceptions and other reasons, but think of it this way. The boy already has a relationship with a family member or someone in the community who is in a position of trust. They might be neighbors, teachers, church leaders, politicians, or a store clerk—anyone whom the boy looks up to, admires, or trusts.

The point is that the perpetrator already has some connection. That authority figure befriends the boy, giving him needed attention. The boy feels wanted, accepted, and perhaps loved. The perpetrator has gone after the innocent boy and destroys his childhood.


Heather Marsten said...

I hope you don't mind my commenting because a lot of what you write touches my heart because of the abuse I received. I hadn't thought about a distant father opening up a child to seeking love and being taken advantage of, for my father was my first perpetrator. What tore me up in this post, was the last line - the perpetrator has gone after the innocent boy and destroys his childhood. That is exactly what incest and sexual abuse does. I remember my third grade teacher writing on my report card that I acted like a fifty-two year old adult. I was abused early on, seriously from the age of seven. I never once knew what normal was, and had to learn.

There is hope though, and one thing that has been emerging recently is that God was there in ways I never even imagined. For example, I lived in a fantasy world with a mother and father who loved me - God told me recently he was those people in my fantasy, providing comfort to me.

Are you going to cover the mother's role? My mother fully knew of my abuse, and did nothing. That made me even more isolated.

Your site is a breath of fresh air for me. I am grateful to you for your courage to share so openly.


Cecil Murphey said...

Anyone who has been abused or cares deeply for some one who was molested may post. I want this forum to be open.

I hadn't planned to write about the mother's role. but I think that's important.

Anyone want to comment?

This can refer to the passive, choosing-not-to-see mother or the mother who abuses.

My mother was my first perpetrator and there are a number of males out there like me.

(If you want to post to be personally/privately, go to