I Survived

(This blog post comes from Dr. Loren Due.)

My journey from childhood sexual abuse hasn't been easy. I survived, but more important, I am thriving. By sharing with others, others can learn that change and victorious living are possible. I thrive because I am inspired to help others make the changes necessary to experience the joy of doing what they were placed on this planet to do.

For most of my life, I was suspicious and isolated. I was shy, and even though people would say I was "cute," I never felt attractive. Even today when people say I don't look my age, I sometimes have trouble accepting the compliment. Although they say I'm handsome, I believe they're interested only in the money I earn. They only reason I look the way I do is because through all the drugs and sex I've experienced in my lifetime, God has kept me; I'm blessed to be alive.

—excerpted by permission from Teddy Bear: Stolen Innocence! by Dr. Loren Due, (Dr. Due Books, 2009), page 50.

My Past

(This post comes from Dr. Loren Due. He is a survivor of sexual abuse and this is his reflection on his life.)

One of the key lessons I learned is that the negative experiences of the past were turned into seeds of benefit that continue to bless me.

I decided early on that I would not be like my father, no matter what. . . .

While raising my son, I made the decision to support him and be strategically involved in all he did. I was active in my son's school life, making sure his teachers and administrators knew me. I volunteered my time for school activities and made sure I attended his games (basketball, football, and soccer) from elementary school through college no matter what was happening in my life. I missed only two games in sixteen years.

The kindest comment my son made to my current wife was that he felt I was the best dad he could ever ask for. It's such a joy when I give him a big hug and he responds. Through all my foolishness, he always knew I loved him.

—excerpted by permission from Teddy Bear: Stolen Innocence! by Dr. Loren Due, (Dr. Due Books, 2009), pages 46–47.

The Victim Is Never at Fault

(This blog post comes from Dr. Loren Due.)

Often the abuser will blame the victim for the abuse, but the victim is never at fault. This is particularly true for victims between birth and age 18.

When sexual perversion is unwanted physical or mental activity, enjoyed by the abuser but not consented to by the abused, how can the victim possibly be at fault?

The reasons for incest may seem different when we view each specific case, but let us not forget that the underlying reason for any sexual perversion is that the perpetrator's flesh has overwhelmed his spirit.

The most common reason for incest is that abuser—a parent or peer for the victim—more than likely was also a victim of sexual perversion. He or she did not find the healing and deliverance needed.

Parents who have not recovered from sexual abuse in their own lives are unable to provide healthy guidance within the family.

—excerpted by permission from Shhh . . . Don't Say a Word About This! by Dr. Loren Due, (Dr. Due Books, 2009), page 18.

Hope for the Perpetrator

(This blog post comes from Dr. Loren Due.)

Often people who have sexually assaulted another person live in great fear: not recognizing why they do ugly, vicious, hateful things but realizing that they cannot control themselves . . . .

Perpetrators, too, deal with pain of loss because until exposed, they must live in a make-believe world of being normal, when they know they are not behaving normally. As a result, they lose their self-respect. When they are exposed they stand to lose their freedom, their livelihood, and their future. They bear an underlying guilt and shame, often when they make excuses, cast blame, or try to live in denial of their horrific thoughts and deeds.

Nevertheless, there is hope for those individuals as well, if they are willing to acknowledge their lack of self-control and face up to the consequences of their actions.

—excerpted by permission from Shhh . . . Don't Say a Word About This! by Dr. Loren Due, (Dr. Due Books, 2009), pages 13.

Freedom

(This post comes from Dr. Loren Due.)

A victim of sexual abuse often is held captive by a myriad of negative reactions that, left unchanged, can ruin his life.

These entrapments can include:

* fear (that the victim is now painted as a target for further abuse),

* anger and bitterness (unforgiving anger that seeds a bitterness that will grow to be devastating if not dealt with),

* pain of loss (the anguish of knowing that something pure and precious has been taken from him,

* unfounded guilt (blaming oneself, or having others blame the victim, for what he had no control over),

* hopelessness (that the victim will never again be normal, pure or worthy to live a healthy life), or

* actual guilt (because the victim believes that his behavior, manner of dress, body language, or spoken comments may have contributed to his victimization).

· —excerpted by permission from Shhh . . . Don't Say a Word About This! by Dr. Loren Due, (Dr. Due Books, 2009), page 11.

Role Reversal

(This post comes from Dr. Loren Due.)

Too often in sexual abuse, the roles reverse and the abused is considered the guilty party, while the abuser blames the victim. One reason for this ambiguity is that people who exhibit perverted behavior do not necessarily become perpetrators by choice but because of being victimized in the past.

I cannot stress enough the following statement on this absolute truth: The abused is never the reason for the abuse, no matter how much the abuser blames the victim.

—excerpted by permission from Shhh . . . Don't Say a Word About This! by Dr. Loren Due, (Dr. Due Books, 2009), page 10.