A woman posted this comment on an older blog entry. It’s significant enough that I wanted to share it with you.
My husband never heard "I love you" or "I am proud of you" from his father.
He is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I want him to know healing and freedom. He has addiction issues that I am sure are directly related to the abuse he suffered.
Children need to hear that they are loved by their parents, especially their
fathers! By the grace of God my husband tells our kids he loves them, spends time with them, tells them he is proud of them, and tries to connect with them.
I am also a survivor. We have struggled together for 25 years, endured a 1 1/2 yr. separation, emotional breakdown, loss of home and job, multiple hospitalizations, 2 very near death experiences due to surgery related infections, waiting over 2 years to resolve a disability claim, and trying to raise 5 kids in the midst of it all. The abuse wreaks havoc in every area of life.
This is another sad instance of what happens when kids don’t feel loved. The account of this man reads like the story of most of us who were molested as children. We didn’t hear those wonderful affection statements such as, “I love you” and “I’m proud of you.”
It’s not only the missing words, however, but the warmth and affection from parents that every child needs. Some parents may say the right things, but unless the children believe those words, they mean nothing.
Not to feel loved by parents means kids will reach out for it—unconsciously—and that makes them obvious targets.