I invited Gary Roe to write several blogs. He also tells his story in my book When a Man You Love Was Abused.
Shame is a powerful thing. Sometimes I experience it as self-conscious embarrassment, as if I want to hide in the presence of other people. It comes powerfully upon me when I feel I've made a mistake—I feel I AM the mistake. Sometimes it just seems to overshadow me, following me around, painting everything gray.
The reality is my perpetrators were the shameful ones. They couldn't handle their shame, so they tried to wipe it off on me through the abuse. I don't want to let them succeed. They will not succeed.
At times, accepting myself is a very difficult thing for me to do. How could it not be difficult with what happened? I grew up feeling invisible, ugly, dirty, and unwanted. But that is not reality.
Reality is that God thought of me, created me in His image, and has a powerful destiny for my life.
I want to live more in reality.
2 comments:
I thank you for sharing from your heart. I understand what you are saying about shame. When my father began molesting me, he told me I was so stupid, dumb, and ugly that no man would ever want me unless I would put out, and he was going to teach me to put out. I was eight at the time. I spent most of my life feeling like ruined goods, and full of shame for what was done to me and for what I did in reaction. Only God was able to bring healing. God bless you. And thank you for sharing your story which will help many on their journeys toward healing. Heather
Heather, I am so sorry about what happened to you. Thank you for sharing. As we share, I believe God will lead others to speak out also. I don't know about you, but the more I share, the less hold the past seems to have on me.
Thanks again,
Gary
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