In a previous post, I described guilt as an octopus, seeking to capture and choke me. It has many tentacles. Anger is one. Fear is another.
As a childhood sexual abuse survivor, fear became my frequent companion. It skewed my world.
Fear became a strong influencer of my thoughts and the prime motivator of my behavior. I tried to become invisible whenever I could by not calling attention to myself or withdrawing from the crowds. When that wasn’t possible, I turned into a performing circus animal, trying desperately either to please or prove my right to exist through flawless achievement.
I couldn't rest. I couldn't have fun. I was hyper-alert, waiting for the next blow. I was a prisoner.
Is there a way out? I’m not sure. But I do believe strongly there is a way through. I can’t stop fear from coming, but I no longer have to let it rule unchallenged.
As a childhood sexual abuse survivor, fear became my frequent companion. It skewed my world.
Fear became a strong influencer of my thoughts and the prime motivator of my behavior. I tried to become invisible whenever I could by not calling attention to myself or withdrawing from the crowds. When that wasn’t possible, I turned into a performing circus animal, trying desperately either to please or prove my right to exist through flawless achievement.
I couldn't rest. I couldn't have fun. I was hyper-alert, waiting for the next blow. I was a prisoner.
Is there a way out? I’m not sure. But I do believe strongly there is a way through. I can’t stop fear from coming, but I no longer have to let it rule unchallenged.
I can’t stop fear from coming, but I don't have to let it rule my heart.
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