I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Being Different

(A note from Cec: I hesitated printing this message from Robert because I don't want it to be a self-serving ad for one of my books. Instead, I hope you'll sense the pain and the healing Robert has experienced.)

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I am reading your Knowing God book and it is really wonderful. Today I read in chapter 12 your aphorism "Everything I am and everything I have come as gifts from God". I also knew the second half, but I am learning the first half since I began my recovery process from my sexual abuse. I have been thinking a lot about this, and reading today cemented in my conclusion. I am so different from my four brothers because of my abuse, yes, but also because God used that to make me who I am. Like you discussed in chapter 13, I too was the child who was kind to the special ed students and made friends with the outcasts. I was driven to do so. I have always been that way, much more sensitive than my siblings. I always used this as another way to hate myself, thinking once again I was too girly because I was sensitive...because I was a boy who had sex too young with older boys. It was the bat I used to beat myself up with. Now I am realizing that this was a gift from God. He made me more sensitive, bringing something good and beautiful out of my abuse. I am more aware of HIM because of this and I am more able to do ministry because of this. I think I love people a bit more than my brothers. I am not trying to build myself up, but rather recognize that my personality is a gift from God, NOT a sign of weakness and less masculine. I am truly thankful to be who I am now and I am learning to embrace this sensitive side of myself....because I know I can better be the hands of Jesus when I accept this gift HE has given me. Thanks for this book too, it is really wonderful.

1 comment:

Joseph said...

Wow, Robert, I need to read that today. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Lately I have been discussing with my counselor and also with my pastor God's providence in His allowing the abuse and later the struggle with hated temptations. I have come to some of the same conclusions you have, but you stated it beautifully, brother. God bless your progress--and the progress of us all.