Being Different

(A note from Cec: I hesitated printing this message from Robert because I don't want it to be a self-serving ad for one of my books. Instead, I hope you'll sense the pain and the healing Robert has experienced.)

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I am reading your Knowing God book and it is really wonderful. Today I read in chapter 12 your aphorism "Everything I am and everything I have come as gifts from God". I also knew the second half, but I am learning the first half since I began my recovery process from my sexual abuse. I have been thinking a lot about this, and reading today cemented in my conclusion. I am so different from my four brothers because of my abuse, yes, but also because God used that to make me who I am. Like you discussed in chapter 13, I too was the child who was kind to the special ed students and made friends with the outcasts. I was driven to do so. I have always been that way, much more sensitive than my siblings. I always used this as another way to hate myself, thinking once again I was too girly because I was sensitive...because I was a boy who had sex too young with older boys. It was the bat I used to beat myself up with. Now I am realizing that this was a gift from God. He made me more sensitive, bringing something good and beautiful out of my abuse. I am more aware of HIM because of this and I am more able to do ministry because of this. I think I love people a bit more than my brothers. I am not trying to build myself up, but rather recognize that my personality is a gift from God, NOT a sign of weakness and less masculine. I am truly thankful to be who I am now and I am learning to embrace this sensitive side of myself....because I know I can better be the hands of Jesus when I accept this gift HE has given me. Thanks for this book too, it is really wonderful.