I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

"He Said He'd Take Care of Me"

(an encore post by Cecil Murphey)

I had an email in which a young man, age 19, said he had "done things" with his Sunday school teacher for four years. "He bought me things and took me places."

The boy's parents were both "drunks and pill poppers" who "didn't know I existed unless one of them needed me to grab a cold one from the refrigerator."

He went on to say that the teacher promised, "I'll take care of you. You can't live with me because you're a minor, but when you're older we can live together and I'll take care of you."

After a few more details the boy added, "Just before my 18th birthday I asked him about moving in. He said he couldn't do that. He wanted to but he couldn't."

He told me about his agony and feelings of rejection, especially when the teacher began to make excuses for not getting with him regularly.

"It was all a lie. I reminded him of his promise and he cussed me out and told me I was evil and that he had tried to help me but he had failed."

The young man had attempted suicide once and had undergone psychiatric treatment for depression.

He has emailed me three times, so that encourages me to believe that something positive is going on. He also reads my blog (which is why he contacted me). "You can use my story," he said in his last email, "but you can't give my name."

I wish his story had a happy ending.

Maybe one day it will.


Joseph said...

My young friend, the burden and grief of rejection is awful. I know for I felt the rejection from age 5 through my teen-age years. Restoration can happen. Please know that I am praying for you for God knows your name. I'm guessing that many men who read of your grief will also be praying for you. Take courage my friend. Take courage.

Cec Murphey said...

This comes from Mark. He sent this comment to me and gave me permission to post it.

I'm angry that he has had to endure that abuse.
The pain of finding "acceptance," only to realize that acceptance was only a masquerade for abuse...

His story of abuse is different from mine. But his story is reminding me of how vulnerable I was to being used at his age. And I believe that vulnerability gives the enemy access to some of the deepest parts of our soul.

Thank you for providing a safe place for our silenced voices to once again begin to speak.

Joseph said...

You are right, Mark. The abuse made us vulnerable and it does give our enemy access where he would not otherwise have had access. And I say it's all right to be angry, but let that anger be a stepping stone on the road of recovery.

I, too, thank Cec for providing a safe venue for discussion. It is a release to be able to safely express in words what we feel.