I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

By Now I Should . . .

Once in awhile, when I’m emotionally down, I stumble or become aware that I’m not at the end of the healing journey. Then it’s easy for me to berate myself. “By now, I should be . . .” is one of the most self-destructive things I used to say to myself.

I finally figured out ways to ward off that kind of thinking. First, I reminded myself of something my friend Malcolm George said to me in one of my dark moments: “When you tell yourself that you ought to be farther down the road, you’re probably healed more than you know.”

Second, I remind myself of who I used to be. I reflect on the insights and breakthroughs I’ve experienced over the years.

Third, I wrote a simple prayer when I was a pastor. For years, people reminded me of it and told me how much they valued it. Finally, in my dark moments, I started reciting my own prayer:

God, show me the truth about myself
no matter how wonderful it may be.

3 comments:

Larry Clemson said...

Thank You Cec!

Roger Mann said...

Yes, I have said that to myself many times. My wife is good at reminding me, (and who would know better), of how far I have come. Not to long ago I made a mistake and felt pretty bad. In the discussion my wife had with me over it she said the biggest progress she saw right then was I did not get defensive and self protective when she asked to talk about it. We actually had a loving discussion, uncomfortable, painful for both at times but just a discussion. Two years ago even that would never have happened that way. Sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees.

John Harwood said...

I love your quote and when I read it I chuckled it is so true. I just got done reading Not Quite Healed and I was touched deeply , as a survivor of child sexual abuse the book went right to the core of my being. I am a Christian man who has struggled with Sexual Addiction for over 60 years, and I found many of the reasons why when I read the book. You are so right when you said that we need to Shatter the Silence and speak up in order to heal and help other men to heal also. I plan to be a part of this Blog and help all I can to see that that happens. God Bless John Harwood.