I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Dysfunctional Patterns

When we were children, someone disrupted our lives and destroyed not only our innocence, but threw us into dysfunctional forms of behavior. Some adopt the pattern of their rapists; others push away from any kind of intimate contact. Still others dash into a life of promiscuity.

Twenty years ago I was part of a men’s group in Louisville, Kentucky. One man, whom I remember only as Tim, said that he had been so compulsive about sexual relief that he masturbated as many as 15 times a day.

One statement shocked and saddened me. “Sometimes my penis was so raw and painful I could hardly touch it—but that never stopped me.”

His behavior was extreme, but I assume all of us live with maladjustment. We don’t have to live that way. That’s one of the reasons for this blog—to help each other overcome painful childhoods.

For that to happen, our own healing must become the priority focus for us or we’ll continue to follow the same dysfunctional patterns we’ve been stuck in for years.

We have to make conscious choices to let go of fear and be open so that God’s love and compassion can motivate us. We also need to experience that love and compassion ourselves before we can spread it to others

True, deep healing is a long, slow-winding, and painful journey. Sometimes our long-established behavior is our enemy. We have to fight our natural resistance. It’s hard work, but well worth it, not just for us, but also for everyone we love and care about.

We can overcome our dysfunctional behavior.


Larry Clemson said...

Talk about dysfunctional - I found my abuser on facebook & ever so often I go & look at his profile. It was over 40 years ago. Why do we do these things? I think of the verse - Take every thought captive. I need God's help! I don't want the thoughts to have me captive anymore.

Roger Mann said...

My family was very dysfunctional, but who knew. I had nothing to compare it to till HS. I had no idea how dysfunctional I was for decades. Where's the yard stick? For all I know I may still be nutty as a fruitcake.

Anonymous said...

I remember masturbating until my testicles would hurt. I was so desperate for attention and affection, and physical touch. I was falling in love with porn. I always wanted a women to grab me and have sex with me like they do in the porn movies. I wanted to be good so she would commit to me, so I wouldn't have to share her with anyone. I hate how porn makes you think that any sex act is normal, and everybody is doing it. I guess in some ways I am as fake as the porn is. Always pretending to be normal and feeling good.