I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Being the Responsible One

I tend to be overly responsible and take on burdens that belong to others. As a kid, I became responsible for my two brothers. If they didn’t do their chores after school, I hurriedly covered for them. That became my pattern.

For years I tried to fix problems and people. And like many other survivors, I ended up in what we call the helping professions. I was a teacher and later a pastor.

These days I make my living as an author, especially a ghostwriter. It took me a few years to figure out that I leaned toward the underdogs—to help and encourage them. My biggest success has come from writing Dr. Ben Carson’s autobiography, Gifted Hands, before he was famous. He’s the epitome of a person who should have ended up in failure. Most of the personal-experience stories I’ve written reflect that same perspective.

One day I realized those tendencies and thought, There’s something good about what I do. I focus my life on helping others. When I reach out and help others—such as writing this twice-weekly blog—I benefit from doing so. I try to give to others what I didn’t receive in childhood. That’s a positive response to my abusive childhood.

I give to others
what I didn’t receive in childhood.

2 comments:

Roger Mann said...

I have spoken with a lot of survivors over the last eleven years and it struck me that those who were willing to list their vocations listed a large number of helping/caring/ or even medical personnel. So many of us seem to end up in fields that somehow give others what we never had. It is not universal but it is surprisingly a very high percentage.

So is it true that tribulation works patience? Does having a lot have hardship to suffer through make you a better person? I guess it depends on the person. Life is about character, not skill. It is not what happened to me, but how I dealt with it that matters in the final analysis.

Just my thoughts.

Robert said...

Thank you for this blog, you continue to help all of us and it is a blessing .