I hurt for a long time because of childhood sexual abuse. Now I want to provide a safe place for hurting men to connect with other survivors of sexual abuse. Talk to us. You don't have to use your real name to share your experiences or ask questions.

Why? Why? Why?

In his book Heartbroken, my friend Gary Roe writes: "Why often has no answer; yet our wounded hearts must still ask the question."[1] His book isn't about sexual assault, but the quote is still powerful.

Almost all of us ask that question at some point. Reasons aren't what we truly want; we want comfort and we want to make sense of things. It's not logical that an adult would rape a child. But it happens, and we're the survivors who often can't figure it out.

Too often we blame ourselves with sentences that begin, "If only I had . . ." or "If only I hadn't . . ." We want to believe we live in a rational world with explanations for everything.

Sometimes there are no explanations, only facts.

I don't know the reason I was victimized; I do know I don’t want to live my life as a victim.

Instead I ask, "How do I continue to heal?" It's a much better question—and there are answers.

[1] Heartbroken: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse by Gary Roe (GR Healing Services, Wellborn, TX, 2015) p 72.

1 comment:

Roger Mann said...

Over the years I have often asked that question. I don't have an answer and have often said to myself that when I get to heaven, God and I will have some lakeside chats about this. But then I think when I get there I probably will understand anyway.

A friend once responded "Why not?" to my question of "Why me?" I was taken aback and kind put off by it but then thought of all the terrible places and things that happen in the world to so many others and figured he had a point.

Some day maybe I will know why. Someday it might all make sense actually in some weird way. Right now it doesn't matter anymore. I am here, I am relatively sane and ok. I survived and that's what matters.

Just my thoughts.