I have been aggressively pursuing CHANGE for the last 2 months. I've found the process to be brutal. Rather than becoming more at peace, I've become more tormented. I search out ways that I'm not good enough. More things to address. More work to do. I have no patience. My anxiety is sky high. My back is tight, my chest is tight, my airway feels restricted.
Yesterday I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "You are lovable just the way you are."
I did it again this morning. Looking directly into my own eyes and knowing what I am going through, seeing the pain and sadness behind my own eyes, was overwhelming.
So I said it. "You are lovable just the way you are." Something happened next. I talked to myself. After the planned affirmation, I suddenly blurted out, "Someday you are going to have to be comfortable with yourself. You know that, right?"
I didn't think it. I just said it.
I'm so busy chasing the wrong thing. I'm busy chasing change. I'm busy trying to be someone else. I'm busy trying to be better than everyone else.
I don't have to change.
I have to be me. Instead of making massive changes to myself, I only need to practice being me, to be comfortable being me.